


coffee stained heart

by owlboi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji in Love, Akaashi Keiji is Bad at Feelings, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Minor Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Minor Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Minor Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, Slow Burn, University Student Bokuto Koutarou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 38,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26321971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlboi/pseuds/owlboi
Summary: akaashi works the night shift at the only 24 hour cafe with wifi on campus. bokuto is very bad at deadlines.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 90
Kudos: 431
Collections: maazesfini





	1. smudged ink

Kuroo heard a loud thud from the common area and peaked his head out from behind the fridge to check on his friend. “Still nothing?” He asked, hiding a smile at his best friend’s struggle.

Across the room from him sat the grey-and-black-haired, owl-looking twenty year-old mess of a man—his best friend, Bokuto Kotarou, who despite his best efforts could not stick to a work schedule and ended up handing in most of his work seconds before its deadline. Today was no different. Bokuto sat at the common room table, his forehead pressed against the wood, his notebook next to him and his laptop open on a very blank document. _Every time._ Kuroo shook his head.

“I keep telling you to work on these when you get them,” Kuroo rolled his eyes, walking towards him, yoghurt in hand. “That way you don’t forget the information…” He looked over at his friends notes, Bokuto didn’t move. His handwriting was messy and all over the place, there were ink smudges and doodles on the side of the page—it was a _mess_. “Did you even use the highlighters I got you last month?” 

Bokuto mumbled something.

“What?” Kuroo asked, tilting his head.

“…I lost them…” Bokuto said shamefully. Kuroo was not surprised, he just sighed. Finally the spiky-haired boy looked up, his golden eyes lighting up with determination. “I’m gonna do it.”

Kuroo laughed, “It’s 10:30PM.” 

“So?” Kotarou blinked. When he got like this, Kuroo knew there was no stopping him. He was a master procrastinator but there was also no challenge too big when he set his mind to something. “The deadline’s at midnight. I just won’t stop until I finish it.” He started gathering up his notes and his laptop, straightening up in his chair.

Kuroo took a spoonful of yoghurt into his mouth and raised his eyebrows. “Can you even read those?” He motioned towards the notes. Bokuto stared at his friend and then back down at his notes and gave out a positive hum—that didn’t sound _too_ convincing to Kuroo, but he decided not to say anything, he didn’t want to be a dick—and he clicked his neck before stretching out his hands over the keyboard.

Right before Bokuto could start typing or Kuroo could even have the time to be impressed, the front door slammed open and the third roommate burst in, very heavily—and _loudly—_ making out with his… what were they again? They said they didn’t want labels but both Kuroo and Bokuto knew that Oikawa Tooru, the boy with the false confidence and the ability to take care of anyone in a crisis, wanted to be more than just unlabelled lovers. That wasn’t the point.

“ _Iwa-chan_!” Oikawa’s voice was breathy and intimate and helpless. Bokuto’s eyes widened and Kuroo sighed again, this time it was half annoyed but still unsurprised. He finished off his yoghurt, threw it in the trash and grabbed his jacket.

“Well I’m off,” he threw up a peace sign, dodging past Oikawa and his guy, he gave Bokuto a wink and walked out of the open door, closing it behind him. Bokuto stood up to protest but it was too late, Oikawa and _Iwa-chan_ were already knocking things over, not paying attention to the blank-faced boy in sweatpants who was looking right at them. Without hesitation, he turned, picked up both his notes and his laptop and stuffed them into his grey and blue backpack, fleeing the apartment almost as quickly as Kuroo did.

That’s how the wide-eyed, comfortably-dressed, owl boy ended up trying to find somewhere to study in the middle of the night. He considered just sitting at a bench but it was cold and there was no wifi. This was going to be impossible, that was his only thought as he walked past a bunch of closed cafes and the library and the gym. There was nowhere, except…

After about fifteen minutes of hopelessly searching the surroundings of his campus, he saw a light up ahead, coming from a small café down the road. It wasn’t the easiest place to spot, it was squashed between two bigger shops, that in the daytime probably overshadowed this one, but right now, amidst the darkness and gloom of this particular November evening, was this coffee shop. _The Coffee Stain_. 

And boy was Bokuto glad to see it.

-

The first thing Akaashi Keiji noticed when this guy walked in was the urgency in his eyes. He wasn’t used to getting costumers, sometimes he’d catch the random drunken student who would drop by for a cup of coffee before going back to their dorm, but their eyes were different, they were tired and hooded, usually squinted too, always complaining that the lights were too bright. That’s the fun of the night shift. No one you serve is ever here for anything special, just a cure for their imminent hangover in the morning. 

This guy, however, was sober as can be and completely aware of his surroundings—more or less. He didn’t notice Akaashi when he walked in, the boy looked around but his eyes never stopped on Akaashi who was standing behind the giant coffee machine, drying the inside of a mug. He heard the other boy sigh as he took off his jacket and started taking out his laptop and his notes. The boy cleared his throat. “Ehm?” He called out, making Akaashi jump slightly from the spot he was standing in. The other boy stood up and looked around. Akaashi stepped out from behind the machine, making the other boy smile. “Hi! I saw you have free wifi? Is there a password or do I have to sign up?”

Akaashi examined him for a second. His sweatpants were baggy and his shirt was two sizes too big for him, but underneath, he could see the boy was built. He played a sport, maybe? On his wrists were some colourful bracelets that looked like they were made by a child and his hair was a little bit flat, though Akaashi could see it had been styled up earlier in the day. He bit his lip slightly, maybe in thought or maybe because Akaashi found this boy… endearing? Dare he say—cute?

The boy cleared his throat. “Um, hello?” He chuckled, waving his hand in front of Akaashi’s eyes, instantly making his cheeks flush in embarrassment. Akaashi looked at him, his mind blank. The boy’s smile was huge on his face, showing off his teeth. _He probably wore braces_ , Akaashi thought. _That would’ve been cute, I wish I could’ve seen that._ “Wifi password?” 

Akaashi cleared his throat. “I’ll trade it for your name?” His voice squeaked, his eyes widened. He could _not_ believe he just said that. His elbow slipped off the counter and he stumbled on his spot awkwardly, the mug in his hand clinking against the wall. Akaashi coughed as the boy’s entire face lit up. He couldn’t tell if he was laughing at him or if he thought that was cute. Akaashi hoped it was both. 

The boy stepped forward. “Bokuto Kotarou,” he winked, his bright yellow-ish eyes gleaming in the light of the shop.

“I’m Akaashi Keiji,” he felt his voice get stuck in his throat, and his introduction come out in an almost whisper, but their eyes never broke contact. Bokuto nodded in acknowledgement.

“Nice to meet you, ‘Kaash-kun,” his eyes then flicked back to the pile of notes on the table. Akaashi’s heart skipped. “Can I please get the wifi password? My deadline is in less than an hour and I haven’t even started,” his nose scrunched up and the urgency Akaashi had noticed earlier, floated back into his face. Akaashi liked his determination. Akaashi needed to stop crushing on strangers.

After scribbling the password onto an old receipt and handing it over to Bokuto-san, the only thing that was heard in the room was the soft music coming from the stereo and the sound of Bokuto’s typing. As time went by and Akaashi had cleaned and restocked everything he could think of, he decided to make his costumer a cup of coffee to help him with his work. Anyone who starts an assignment an hour before their deadline needs a boost. It doesn’t matter how quick you are or how clever. 

So Akaashi fired up the coffee machine, warming up a standard American-style cup of coffee and brought it to him with five sugars on the side. He placed the mug next to him, not too close to his notes or his laptop, minimising the chances of it spilling and just walked off slowly. Bokuto seemed very very focused on his work, but just as Akaashi began to pace away from him, the typing stopped and Bokuto smiled. “Thank you!” Akaashi’s stomach did a flip, something he’d never admit to anyone and he walked off without saying anything else.

At exactly 00:02, Bokuto gave out the loudest shout Akaashi had ever heard, making him drop his book and fall off the stool he was sitting on. Standing up from the floor, his ass a little bruised from the fall and his heart beating out of his chest, Akaashi looked at Bokuto Kotarou with wide eyes and confusion. The other boy was standing, his arms stretched out over himself in victory and an accomplished smile on his face. Even his hair looked happy—yeah, no that sounded weird but for some reason, his hair looked a little less flat than before. It was probably the humidity. _Humidity in November—? Shut up, Keiji._

“I’m assuming you managed it?” Akaashi asked, his tone was a little blank but he was trying to contain the fear that just shook through his entire being.

Bokuto turned to him with a content sigh and his hands on his hips. “I didn’t spell check it, I’m sure my grammar is off in multiple places and I forgot to do a reference sheet but I am _done_!” He grinned. “Hey, hey, hey, Akaashi-kun, what year are you in?” He asked, making Akaashi instantly point a finger at himself in disbelief. Bokuto nodded. 

“I- uh, first,” Akaashi tried his best for a non-awkward smile.

Bokuto gleamed. “Well, take this from your _upperclassman_ ,” he grinned. “There’s nothing you _can’t_ do. All you need is a little determination and a roommate who takes his hookups back to his bedroom,” Bokuto laughed to himself, then started gathering his belongings. “Actually, I’m sure you can do it without _that_ ,” he gave him a thumbs up. After putting on his coat and shouldering his backpack, Bokuto gave Akaashi one last wave and then he was gone.

Akaashi wished he’d stayed for longer. He also wished he’d gotten the chance to talk to him, or at least ask him about his major. The hour passed way too quickly for Akaashi’s liking and the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to kick himself for not asking for his number.

The dark haired boy walked towards Bokuto’s table with a sigh, going to clear up the cup of coffee, when he saw Bokuto had left just enough money for his drink and the receipt with the wifi password from before. Although, looking at it a little better, he’d scrawled something on it.

_Thanks for the haven, Kaash-kun! Sorry I wasn’t more fun >:(_

_(hey that rhymed!)_

Underneath was a number scrawled in smudged ink and messy handwriting. Oh no. 

That was _his_ phone number. 

And Akaashi couldn’t make out more than two numbers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh i have so many ideas for this fic, if you got this far then thank you so much! the next chapter is coming soon, please stick with me!


	2. mind readers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't resist posting another chapter today! i really enjoyed writing this, i hope you enjoy reading it!

Bokuto was wedged between his two roommates as they sat in silence staring straight ahead, Oikawa somewhat angry, Kuroo half embarrassed, half nervous and Bokuto focused on trying not to make his stomach rumble too loudly.

“It’s a cat.” Kuroo said, his voice levelled, sounding a little crisp.

“Yes, I’m aware it’s a cat, Kuroo-kun,” Oikawa retorted, he sounded mad, but he was definitely trying to hide it. “Now, why is it here?”

Kuroo looked at Bokuto and the owl boy shrugged. Kuroo gulped down his nerves and hung his head. “Kenma asked me to keep him while he goes to visit his parents over the break,” Bokuto held back a laugh. He’d always found that relationship misbalanced. Little, quiet and kind of shy, Kozume Kenma had _all_ of the power in the relationship, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, Kuroo chased after the boy like a lost puppy. Bokuto liked watching them, mainly because it was the only time his big, powerful and clever best friend was showed up by a kid a year younger than both of them who was afraid of making eye contact with strangers.

Mango, Kenma’s ginger cat, was currently rolling around on the floor, playing with a sock he’d stolen from one of the bedrooms. Judging from how he staring at it, Bokuto assumed it was Oikawa’s. “And how long are we keeping it?” Tooru’s face was twisted, Bokuto could no longer read it, and his tone was not the usual soft and sweet one.

“One,” Kuroo whispered, making Bokuto slap him on the back. Kuroo barely looked up.

Oikawa puffed up his chest. “One what?”

Kuroo whispered, Bokuto started wondering if there was any food in the fridge or if they’d have to order a pizza again. “One week,” when Kuroo said that, Oikawa kicked both of them off the couch and stretched out onto it, his legs crossing and his hands behind his head.

“If that thing craps in my room, I’m making you clean the toilet for the next year,” Oikawa said sweetly, closing his eyes as Bokuto whined from the floor and Kuroo sighed.

“Get a hold of yourself, man!” Bokuto laughed, shaking his best friend. “Kawa-san, do we have any of your mom’s lasagna left in the freezer or did we finish that yesterday?” Bokuto asked, making his way to the kitchen section of the common area. It wasn’t much, they had a stove and an oven but they barely used it, and there was a microwave. The only thing any of them knew how to do was heat up and defrost food, so most of it was unused. They thanked God every day for Oikawa’s mother—she visited once or twice a month and bring over a bunch of food she’d cooked. She was very interested by foreign cultures so it was usually something they’d never tasted before. Bokuto hugged her more than he’d ever even hugged his own mom.

Wait that was too sad. Moving on.

“Ummm...” Oikawa looked up into the kitchen while Kuroo picked up Mango and sulked back into his room. “Check the third drawer from the bottom, Bokkun,” Bokuto did, but, _sadly_ , no lasagna.

“Nope, nothing,” he sighed. Oikawa flopped back onto the couch, gave him a half apology and then turned on the TV. _Guess I’ll have to order out again,_ he thought. He hated ordering pizza. The only place that delivered to this building in ten minutes was this trashy restaurant down the street where the mozzarella tasted like plastic and the delivery guy had an attitude. He picked up his keys. “I’m gonna go buy lunch, anyone want something?” He asked out to the room. Both Kuroo and Oikawa gave him zombie-like hums so Bokuto made his way out the door.

It had been about a week and a half since Bokuto handed in that paper and gave Akaashi Keiji his number. He hadn’t seen him again, and he hadn’t called, so Bokuto was a little embarrassed to go back to the cafe from that night. Still, the other boy’s name still circled round his brain like those birds in cartoons when a character hit their head.

Now that they had a two-week break, parents were around and students were piling out to go home for the holidays. Bokuto would rather do anything else than go back home. He liked his apartment and Kuroo was going to be there most of the time anyway so it was going to be fine. Oikawa still hadn’t made up his mind, he was waiting for his lover to decide for him.

With this late November air nipping at his ears, Bokuto found himself scrunching into his collar, his shoulders shrugged up and his body tense, trying not to shake from the cold. Something about keeping up appearances or whatever. It was a subconscious thing, he wasn’t proud of it. _If I have to shake, I’ll shake like a man!_ Is what he thought. _God, I’m so glad mind-readers don’t exist._ He stopped walking and squinted his eyes, looking around for anyone who may look suspicious. _Or do they…_

From across the street, while scanning for mind-readers he unexpectedly made eye-contact with a pair of familiar blue eyes, lazy and hooded but they were very much set on the grey haired boy. Bokuto jumped. “Mind-reader,” he whispered to himself. He saw Akaashi shift, his eyes widening in embarrassment and his gaze quickly flicking elsewhere as he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets and power-walked in the opposite direction. “I can’t believe I caught one.” He laughed at himself. Bokuto wondered if he should follow him, talk to him as if they were in a movie, do something quirky to get his attention and get him to fall in love with him. Maybe he should’ve. The more he thought about it, the further Akaashi Keiji got. Bokuto shook his head. _I gave him my number and he never called_ , he thought. _The ball is in his court_.

In the end, Bokuto ended up walking past four or five restaurants,none of which sold anything that was of interest to him. He started to wonder if he was actually hungry or if he was just bored. He settled on a supermarket, he thought maybe he could buy some instant noodles or some breakfast biscuits, just stuff he could snack on at home so he could stop ordering pizza. Although he’d have to hide it in his room because Kuroo had the nasty habit of eating whatever he can find, regardless of whose shelf it was on.

The sliding doors opened, Bokuto was greeted by a gust of warm air, he avoided the fridges, he needed a break from the cold. He barely even looked at the vegetable isle as he walked toward the snack isle and just as he was about to pick up a pack of Oreos, he saw Akaashi standing very still in the same isle, hugging two packs of Doritos and ice cream, with a bottle of Diet Coke tucked under his arm. He wasn’t moving, he wasn’t blinking. Bokuto’s eyebrows were so high up that he was sure they’d reached his hairline. He smiled.

Akaashi dropped the ice cream, making the lid pop off and the pot roll over around his feet until it came to a halt. There was a moment of silence, where the two of them exchanged looks, Akaashi looked mortified and Bokuto did not know how to react. There was no one else in the isle except for the two of them and the air felt very awkward.

Bokuto let out a giant snort that, then, turned into the loudest laugh he could possibly muster. Akaashi’s face had turned as red as a tomato and Bokuto was doubled over, screaming with laughter, a mother and her child passed by their isle, they started walking faster. Bokuto fell to his knees. He wasn’t sure what about this entire exchange he found so funny. It may have been how awkward the whole thing was or how Akaashi made his ice cream explode or how Bokuto was kind of embarrassed about shooting his shot and missing. Maybe it was all of it. One thing was for sure, he hadn’t laughed like this in a long time.

Akaashi bent his knees and slouched down, his arms out trying to calm the owl boy. “Bokuto-san, people are staring,” he said, wide-eyed. Bokuto looked up but just looking at Akaashi trying to make himself smaller, embarrassed out of his wits, made Bokuto grasp at his stomach and laugh even harder. “Please stop laughing—I’m so sorry…” There was a moment when Akaashi didn’t say anything and just watched Bokuto laugh. Then, he hung his head and a breathy laugh escaped his lips, it was a little shaky, a little nervous but it was a laugh—and though it never reached Bokuto’s level of hysterics, Akaashi’s laugh was sweet and melodic, making his eyes scrunch up at the sides and his face relax. Bokuto looked at him laugh and no longer felt awkward. He kind of felt like he wanted to always make Akaashi laugh.

Maybe that was dumb. He never even called.

That didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends!

After they’d both calmed down, Bokuto stood up, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye and he gave out a happy sigh. Only when his eyes focused and he looked down at Akaashi, did he realise how close the two of them were standing. It wasn’t an _Are We About To Kiss_ kind of close, no he couldn’t feel Akaashi’s breath on his face (which was good because he didn’t brush his teeth after breakfast this morning and his breath was probably not good, that might have been embarrassing) and no their noses weren’t almost touching. There was about half an arm’s length between them, Bokuto had just now realised that he was slightly taller than Akaashi, he could see his soft curls a lot better from here and his eyes were much more intense than he’d first thought.

 _Ah, I’m checking him out, aren’t I?_ Bokuto thought to himself. _That’s not a good start if we’re just gonna be friends._

Bokuto took a step back and picked up the ice cream pot from the floor. Luckily the actual ice cream hadn’t spilled, it was still sealed, the only thing that had come off was the lid so it was still safe to eat. Bokuto handed it to him, trying to be as nonchalant about it as possible. He didn’t want to have one of those _Our Hands Touched in the Popcorn_ moments that he’d end up obsessively thinking about for the next eight months. “Chunky Monkey?” Bokuto asked with a smile and a tilt of his head. The top of Akaashi’s ears went red.

“Sometimes I watch movies…” he said, his voice dropping at the end of his sentence.

Bokuto grinned. “Awesome, so do I!” He picked up the Oreos from before. “What kind of movies?”

Akaashi watched him for a second, Bokuto could not for the life of him figure out what he was thinking. “You’re gonna laugh at me again,” he sighed. Bokuto’s face lit up, his eyes begging for him to tell him. “I’m a sucker for rom-coms, okay? I like rom-coms.” His shoulders slumped. Bokuto thought this boy was… _swell_.

“Now, _why_ would I make fun of you for _that_!” Bokuto chuckled, his hand mindlessly making his way to the back of his neck. “Rom-coms are great, what’s your favourite?”

Akaashi couldn’t tell if Bokuto was being genuine. “When Harry Met Sally…” he took a breath. “Have you ever seen it?”

Bokuto shook his head.

“I’ll have to show it to you sometime,” Akaashi smiled. Bokuto’s heart leapt out of his chest. Maybe it was because Akaashi smiled. Maybe it was because he felt like he’d just been asked out. _He didn’t call. Friends. Friends. Friends._

 _You can watch movies with your friends… right?_ Bokuto and Kuroo watched films together all the time and there sure as hell weren’t any romantic feelings involved _there_. This can work. This _will_ work.

Bokuto picked up three packs of strawberry Pocky sticks. “Sure!” He focused his attention on the snacks. “What’s it about?”

“About how whether or not you can be friends with someone you’re attracted to,” Akaashi explained, Bokuto choked, making Akaashi jump to pat him on the back. “Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes a little alarmed. Bokuto felt Akaashi’s arm on his back and he jumped away, his stomach full of butterflies but he was still choking on his spit. _Why am I like this?_ He looked at Akaashi wide-eyed.

Bokuto gave Akaashi the thumbs up. “Sounds like an interesting concept,” he gulped. “So can you?”

Akaashi thought for a second. “It’s a spoiler,” his tone was a little flat.

“I don’t mind.”

Akaashi sighed, putting his hands in his pockets. “Well, they don’t manage it, no.”

Bokuto was very aware of his heart beating quickly. _That’s not really what I wanted to hear._


	3. friends and oreos

Akaashi had obsessively been staring at the scrawled handwriting for a week and a half. Every time he looked at it he felt like he was trying to prove he was, in fact, not a robot. He couldn’t tell the difference between what could have been an eight or a three or even a zero. The only two numbers he was confident on were 2 and 7. He felt so hopeless, trying to decipher the phone number of a boy he couldn’t stop thinking about. But he didn’t know his major, he didn’t know where he lived, he didn’t know anything about him except his name. 

Though, even if he had known all that stuff, would he have the courage to just walk up to him and ask for his number? Would he have enough social skills to look him in the eyes and tell him that his handwriting was terrible? He could probably turn it into a flirtatious comment, something that would make fun of him in a cute way, but knowing himself, Akaashi knew that it would end up coming out as, “Your handwriting’s shit,” and he would walk away in embarrassment without even asking for his number.

This was why Akaashi didn’t date. He thought too much, he was nervous and awkward and he didn’t know how to emote. Or at least, he didn’t know how to emote _openly_. That was thanks to years of repressing his feelings so he didn’t come off as weak, though for some reason that didn’t prevent Akaashi from acting like a girl in a shojo anime every time he was around someone he was attracted to. That was probably when he stopped trying to get into a relationship and just started watching every rom-com in existence. His roommate, Sugawara Koushi, a chaotic, grey-haired, mom-type, always told him that he gave up too fast. Akaashi knew, but he couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it.

Today, when he saw Bokuto Kotarou walking down the street, less than twenty feet away from him, he couldn’t believe it. He watched him walk past and halt in place and make eye contact and—nothing. He did absolutely nothing. He just freaked out and looked away. In that moment, Akaashi decided to let himself fall into the hands of fate. He looked up into the sky and he thought that maybe he was just too awkward for a relationship and that was okay. That’s why he decided on a quiet evening with food and movies—to live vicariously through other characters.

BUT WHAT WERE THE ODDS of the very boy Akaashi had been thinking about non-stop, showing up at the grocery store at the same time he had. Akaashi hoped Bokuto didn’t think he was stalking him, that would be weird. He probably also thought that Akaashi was so rude because he never called but then why not say anything? Akaashi should have said something, but every time they talked it just didn’t seem like the right time and then he didn’t want to make it awkward so he just… didn’t ask.

“So, uh, you live around here?” Akaashi asked, hugging the shopping bag full of junk food as he walked alongside the slightly taller boy, their shoulders very close together barely touching. Bokuto looked straight ahead but his face looked somewhat joyful, his eyes didn’t seem to hold any negativity in them and his face was relaxed. Akaashi wondered what he looked like in comparison. A stiff, blank-faced boy next to a lively, bouncy _man_. He didn’t want to think about it.

Bokuto hummed in response. “Yeah, I live in an apartment building on campus,” he explained. “It’s kind of like the dorms, except there’s four, three-bedroom apartments on each floor, all shared by other students, and no communal bathrooms. It’s heaven. We have two bathrooms in our apartment, one of them even has a _bathtub_.” He looked at Akaashi with disbelief and Akaashi tried to muster as much supportive emotion on his face as possible. He’s been told that he looks like he’s not listening when people talk to him. He just doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do.

“Wow, that actually sounds like heaven,” Akaashi said, his tone not matching his words. Bokuto didn’t seem to notice. “Taking a shower without eighteen other people in the room with you,” he muttered, making Bokuto laugh. His face flushed. “Wait that sounded weird didn’t it?” 

Bokuto shook his head with a smile. “No, no, I totally get what you meant,” he reassured him. “Are you in the dorms, then?” Bokuto asked, only looking at Akaashi from the corner of his eye. Akaashi had noticed Bokuto to be much more jumpy than he’d been on the first night they’d met. Maybe since he didn’t call, Bokuto probably didn’t want anything to do with Akaashi, he probably thought he was a flake. _Damn_. 

“Yeah, well, actually—“ he took a breath. “No, not really. As of two days ago I moved off campus with a friend of mine, still getting used to the idea,” he cleared his throat, Bokuto was nodding to himself. _Oh, my god, I’m making this so awkward_ , Akaashi thought to himself. He felt like he was starting to sweat, even in the cold, _I need to calm down, I’m acting as if he’s mugging me_.

Bokuto grabbed his bag with the other hand. “That’s pretty early for a first year,” he observed. “Did you hate your roommate?” 

Akaashi laughed, thinking back on his half-blonde, gamer roommate who barely spoke two words at a time. “No, he was fine,” Akaashi laughed. “His boyfriend was over quite often though so it could get pretty cramped in there. Also really awkward,” he explained. “Koushi just had a spare room and I liked the idea of not sharing a bathroom with a million people, as you said,” he paused. “Though, I can’t say we have a bathtub unfortunately, so you definitely win on that one.” 

Both of them laughed for a bit, walking side-by-side talking about the usual things people who don’t really know each other talk about. They never really asked each other’s majors, most of the conversation started and stopped until they parted ways. Bokuto had turned to him and smiled brightly, “Enjoy your movie night!” It made Akaashi’s heart skip but he didn’t show that at all.

He just gave him a small smile in return. “Yeah, thanks,” and watched him as he walked further and further down the street that Akaashi assumed lead to his apartment building. Akaashi wished he’d asked more questions. He wished he’d found an excuse to ask him to coffee or to get his number. He wished he wasn’t such a coward. 

When he got back to the apartment, he set his shopping bag down with a giant sigh and shut the door behind him.

“Oh, there she is, Negative Nancy,” Sugawara Koushi stood up from the couch and walked towards him with his hands crossed over his chest. “It’s been a while since she visited, I didn’t miss her at all!” He said with a smile. He held his hand out, helping Akaashi put his coat and scarf away. When he got like this, Akaashi had the tendency of throwing things on the ground, so Suga had become quite accustomed to picking them up before he had the chance. 

Akaashi sauntered towards the couch, his shoulders slumped, his head hung, and he flopped face-first into the cushions, his legs flicking up and then back down sadly. He screamed into the pillows, muffling the sound, then he pushed himself up and looked over at Suga who was watching him with an amused look on his face. “Why am I the way that I am?” Akaashi asked, his tone desperate, making Suga laugh.

“I honestly don’t know what you’re referring to,” Koushi was bout to start listing, Akaashi could feel it in his bones. “Could it be the suffocating parents? The lack of childhood friends? The neglected upbringing-“ 

“Okay enough,” Akaashi sighed. “There’s a guy…”

Suga squealed, throwing Akaashi’s legs off the couch and sitting cross-legged facing him. “Alright! A guy! Finally!” 

Akaashi’s mouth was in a line. “Yeah, well…” he said slowly. “He gave me his number. But I can’t read it…” he mumbled the end of his sentence.

“What? You can’t read?”

Akaashi rolled his eyes. “I can’t read _it_. I can’t read his handwriting.” 

Suga tilted his head, a disbelieving look on his face. “Seriously?”

That’s how the two of them ended up squinting over the smudged ink on the receipt from that night. Suga had pulled out his phone and was shining a light over it, putting his whole being into reading the unreadable numbers on the paper. It was no use. “I told you,” Akaashi sighed. 

“Is he okay?” Koushi sounded actually worried, he looked up at his friend. “There’s no way this guy had an easy childhood,” Sugawara said, Akaashi pulled the paper back from him.

“Just because you’re a psychology student doesn’t mean you can psychoanalyse people you don’t know,” Akaashi frowned, looking down at the note. He was so _nice_. Like a ray of sunshine brought down to Earth, there was no way he had a bad childhood. Or maybe he did. There was so much Akaashi didn’t know about Bokuto, there was so much he _wanted_ to know. He wondered if he liked going ice skating or what his favourite animal was or what he did for fun. Akaashi wanted to know more than just why he lived in an apartment and not a dorm.

“Sue me,” Suga stuck his tongue out. “Did you try finding him on social media? Maybe he has instagram or something?” 

Akaashi felt like an idiot. _I can’t believe I didn’t think of that_. He pulled out his phone and walked to his room. “Thanks, Suga!”

Koushi chuckled, shaking his head. “Anytime, kiddo,” he winked before Akaashi shut the door and began his search.

-

As soon as Bokuto got home, Oikawa started complaining about being hungry.

“Oh no you don’t,” Bokuto warned, a finger pointing out to the lanky boy that stood in front of him, clutching his stomach and whining. “I asked you before I left if you wanted any food and you said _no_ , so you aren’t getting anything from me.”

Kuroo’s bedroom door opened, Mango pattered out, jumping on the couch. “Did someone say food?” 

Bokuto gave out an exasperated sigh and set his bags down on the kitchen counter. “You know what, fine! You can both share some Oreos but I swear to god you both owe me money!” He didn’t even finish his sentence before his two roommates swarmed around the bags like starved hyenas. They grabbed at the Oreo family pack (which Bokuto bought especially because he was _sure_ this would happen) and sat on the couch quietly as they munched on Bokuto’s cookies. 

As he made his instant noodles, Oikawa kept pushing the cat off the couch. “Kuroo-kun, control your creature,” he said, his eyes almost challenging the cat. “I swear it wants to fight me—you want to fight me, don’t you? Go on, I’m not scared— _what_ are you staring at!” Oikawa bit into an Oreo angrily.

Kuroo looked at him, lazy-eyed. “You have issues,” he smiled sweetly, earning an elbow to the ribs from Tooru.

“Shut it, you lovesick puppy,” Oikawa pouted. The rooster-looking boy just laughed it off, pretending he _wasn’t_ a lovesick puppy. “You’re being awfully quiet, Bokkun,” Tooru shifted the attention. “D’you bump into the ghost in the stairwell on the way up?”

“There’s a ghost in the stairwell?” Kuroo asked, mild fear in his voice.

“Yeah, you didn’t know?” Kawa-san licked the filling of his Oreo with an amused look on his face. 

Bokuto filled up his instant noodles with boiling water and then turned to his friends. “Can I ask you guys something?”

“Go for it, boo,” Kuroo winked.

“Go ahead, babe,” Oikawa gleamed.

Bokuto considered how to start this off. He knew if he was too forward about it they would assume things and start doing the _freaking out_ thing that they did, where they turned into actual school girls, but since they were both in successful (or almost successful) relationships, Bokuto figured he had no one else to ask. “There’s a guy and I gave him my number but he never called or texted so I just assumed he didn’t like me but today we walked together and he was acting all strange and like he was nervous around me and I still like him but I want to be friends and he suggested-“

Oikawa waved his hand to stop him. “Bokkun, as much as I’m enjoying listening to your muttering, I can’t understand a word you’re saying,” he twisted open an Oreo. Kuroo nodded from next to him, in agreement, trying to pull Mango away from Oikawa, who looked like he was about to bite him. “All I got is that you met a guy—congrats by the way, I was starting to think you’d be single for the rest of your life—so what’s the problem?”

Bokuto rolled his eyes as Kuroo laughed at him. “I gave him my number,” the boys whooped, Bokuto kept his tone levelled. “He didn’t call,” the boys booed. “I saw him again today and he didn’t say anything about it but he was all shy and clumsy and he was so cu—and we walked together and nothing. Nothing happened.”

Kuroo hummed, stroking the cat as if he were the Godfather and Oikawa just munched on an Oreo in thought. “Maybe he was just being nice,” Kuroo said. “You know? One of those, I’m-not-really-into-you-but-you’re-nice-so-I’m-not-gonna-ignore-you-type situations.”

Bokuto sighed. “Yeah, you’re right and that’s what I thought too,” he took a fork out of the drawer and swished it around in his noodles. “But then we started talking about films and he said he’d _have to show me sometime_ , which sounded like he was _almost_ asking me out?” He blew some air into his food, making the steam float away. “But _then_ he didn’t actually ask me out. He didn’t ask for my number or socials or a hang out. We just talked and then parted ways. Just like that. Poof.” 

“Yeah, that does sound a bit mixed-signal-y,” Oikawa nodded. He wasn’t really contributing to this conversation at all.

“And I gave him my number first, right?” Bokuto took a forkful of his noodles. “So the ball is in his court!”

Kuroo laughed. “This isn’t volleyball, Bo,” he scratched Mango behind his ear. “Dating is way harder…” his tone sounded as if he were speaking from experience—which he was. Bokuto remembered the early stages of Kuroo and Kenma getting together, it was _chaos_. Kuroo would overthink every message and keep Bokuto and Oikawa up all night trying to convince himself Kenma loved him more than his video games (still unconfirmed). Bokuto was glad he’d calmed down. “Anyway, if anything is going to happen, it’ll happen, it’s no use worrying about it now, it’s not like you can text him.”

Bokuto nodded. Kuroo was right, there was really nothing he could do about it now. Maybe one of these days he’d go back to the coffee shop or meet him again at the grocery store. He was glad he’d spoken to his friends. The three of them were chaotic and stupid for the most part, but they had each other’s backs and that was enough.

Bokuto only hoped he could stop overthinking for once in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! super excited for y'all to read the next chapter!


	4. full house !

“May I ask _why_ he’s sleeping on our couch?” Bokuto half-whispered to Oikawa, his gaze set on the sleeping Iwaizumi Hajime who was spiky-haired and well dressed but a _mess_ otherwise. Tooru looked up from the common room table, his hands entwined in front of his face, his eyebrows knitted together.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “He just showed up here last night at like 2am and crashed on the couch, he didn’t even say two words to me,” Oikawa sounded disappointed, Bokuto was still trying to figure out why he did this to himself but he didn’t want to ask. He was sure Tooru was wondering that himself—despite his soft and kind of dumb exterior, Oikawa Tooru was a clever man and Bokuto, for the most part, respected that about him. “Should I wake him up? He hasn’t moved in two hours,” he frowned.

Bokuto yawned. “I wouldn’t, who knows how hungover he’ll be, better not wake the beast,” he itched his jaw, feeling the beginnings of a stubble start to grow. “I need to shave,” he said, walking towards the bathroom. “Kuroo, how long are you gonna stay in there? I need my razor!” He knocked, trying not to be too loud, for Iwaizumi’s sake.

After a couple minutes, while Bokuto was making a cup of tea, the bathroom door opened, steam coming out as well as a mostly naked Kuroo Tetsuro holding two towels, one hiding his junk and the other drying his hair. He stopped in front of the couch. “I was gonna ask earlier but none of you were awake,” he started, shaking the towel through his hair. “Is he okay?”

Both Bokuto and Oikawa considered this question for a second, then at the same time, they both shrugged with a halfhearted hum. Kuroo accepted this. “Can one of you put some toast in? I’m hungry,” he said, walking towards Bokuto who was taking his teabag out of his mug.

There was a knock on the door.

“Could you get dressed first?” Oikawa scrunched up his face while getting up and walking towards the door. “Don’t get me wrong, you have a great ass, I just don’t wanna have to see it.”

Kuroo stuck his tongue out. “At least I _have_ an ass,” he slapped one of his cheeks, earning a laugh from Bokuto.

Tooru grasped at his chest. “Ouch, hit me right where it hurts, Tetsuro,” and with a pout, he opened the door to reveal a neglectful Kozume Kenma, standing at the door, surrounded by bags and looking down at the Nintendo Switch he had in his hands. “Hey, _Kenma_ , wasn’t expecting to see you for another few days!”

Kenma just hummed in response, Bokuto watched Kuroo visibly stiffen as he freaked out and ran towards his room to get dressed. “I came back early,” he said quietly. Then he looked up without much effort at both Oikawa and Bokuto. “Are you guys going to help me with these, or?”

Tooru and Kotarou both rushed to help, they didn’t want to be told twice, Kenma could be quite scary when he wanted to be. They ended up carrying everything in while Kenma leaned back on the common room table, very engrossed in his game and not paying any attention to either of the boys carrying his heavy bags in. “What’s in these?” Oikawa whined once he brought the last bag in.

Kenma only looked up with his eyes. “Mango’s things,” he said quietly.

“Why are you bringing us Mango’s things?” Bokuto asked, putting his hands on his hips. He felt the need to make himself bigger, even though he was already so much taller than Kenma, he felt a lot smaller when they were in the same room together.

Mango, the cat in question, had found a home on Iwaizumi’s stomach while he slept—a weird concept, since the cat only seemed to like Kuroo and anything that smelled like Kenma. The blond boy spotted his cat and smiled slightly, something you wouldn’t catch unless you were watching him really closely, and he set down his Switch, walking towards him and picking him up. The ginger cat purred lightly and let himself be comfortably held in Kenma’s hands while Oikawa narrowed his eyes at him, still convinced that cat was evil. “I’m letting you guys keep him.”

Oikawa choked. “I’m sorry _what_?” He laughed nervously. “I think I heard you wrong, you couldn’t _possibly_ be giving up your cat!”

Bokuto just watched the situation unfold. “Kuroo didn’t tell you?” Kenma asked. “The homing office found out I had a cat in my room and threatened to kick me out of my dorm if I didn’t _get rid of it_ , which was a horrible way of putting it,” his gaze didn’t move from the cat, but his tone was certainly at least a little bit annoyed. “Anyway, Kuroo said you guys could keep him, so I brought over all of his stuff.”

Bokuto looked around with a laugh. “This is _all_ Mango’s stuff?” He walked towards the cat with a smile and gave him a pat on the head. “Wow, Mango, you have more stuff than me!” He said in a baby voice that made Kenma huff out a chuckle. Bokuto felt a hand on his shoulder moving him out of the way, it was Oikawa with an exasperated look on his face.

“You _can’t_ be serious,” Oikawa whined.

Kenma blinked. “As the plague.”

Bokuto snorted a laugh, taking a sip of his tea. “Come on, Kawa-san, Mango’s been good company!” Bokuto helped. “He hasn’t _once_ crapped in your room _and_ he barely even looks at you anymore!” Oikawa gave him a look that was almost unreadable, although Bokuto knew it meant _don’t force me to do this, you know I can’t say no to you_. Actually, Bokuto found that very sweet, so, obviously, he exploited his power over the lanky, soft-haired boy. “Come _on_ , Kawa-san,” he pouted, Kenma watched. If you had the ability to read minds, then you would know that he was quite amused by this whole exchange.

Oikawa Tooru was still for a second, his and Bokuto’s gaze never faltered, until he gave out a huge sigh with an eye-roll and threw up his hands. “Fine! Whatever, let’s keep the cat!”

Both Kenma and Kotarou cheered, Bokuto gave Oikawa a hug that was not returned.

Kuroo’s bedroom door opened and _finally_ , the tall boy walked out of the room, slowly peaking his head out and walking a little bit slouched and almost shyly. _Oh, here we go again,_ Bokuto rolled his eyes, putting his empty mug in the sink. Kuroo was very obviously flushed, his usually calm and cool demeanour was now replaced by a giggly and unrecognisable version that only existed when Kenma was present or even just mentioned. “Hey, Ken-Ken,” he said sweetly.

Kenma’s face softened a little bit and he looked up from the cat onto his boyfriend, who was standing a little distance away from him. “I told you not to call me that,” he said with a pout, but his tone wasn’t mean or malicious—it made Kuroo smile. Kenma walked over to him and looked up at him for a second while Kuroo reddened a little bit, his soft smile never leaving his face. Then without another word, Kenma raised himself on his tiptoes, gave Kuroo a quick peck and then placed his head on his chest, the cat in between them and waited for Kuroo to hug him—which he did, in less than a second, his arms were wrapped around the smaller blond boy. “I missed you,” he whispered just to him so the other boys wouldn’t hear. Kuroo’s face looked so happy, both Bokuto and Oikawa thought he was going to start crying. The other two boys exchanged a look, both of them glad that his friend was happy.

Before it could get awkward, Bokuto clapped his hands. “Alright, I’m gonna go shave,” Kuroo and Kenma were unfazed and Oikawa nodded before going to make himself a cup of coffee.

It wasn’t until 12:54PM that Iwaizumi Hajime finally woke up.

He was greeted by a smiling Oikawa who was sitting next to him on the couch with a hot cup of coffee ready for him to drink. “Morning, Iwa-chan,” he smiled. Iwaizumi seemed disoriented and as he got up from his place slowly into a sitting position, he finally realised where he was and felt a pang of pain in his head. “Here, I made you coffee,” Tooru said softly. “I thought it might help with that.” He scooted up the couch a little bit, giving Iwaizumi space to sit properly and crack his bones.

Iwaizumi took the cup of coffee into his hands, gratefully, and took a sip. Tooru had prepared it just how he liked it, black with four sugars. Iwaizumi shut his eyes for a moment, savouring the coffee and smiled. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry I showed up unannounced, my roommates locked me out and I had nowhere else to go,” he explained. Bokuto was standing in the kitchen, lowkey listening to the conversation. Lately, he always ended up in other people’s business, he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

“That’s okay, Iwa-chan, you know I’m always here for you,” Oikawa smiled, earning a pat on the head from Iwaizumi.

“You’re too good to me,” after a moment of them looking _deeply_ into each other’s eyes, Iwaizumi took one last sip of his coffee. “Well, I’m gonna go!”

“Oh, uh—“ Oikawa stood up with Iwaizumi, his face a little hurt and a little disappointed as Iwaizumi shoved the mug back into his hands and picked up his blazer. Oikawa scanned the room, looking for an excuse for him to stay when he made eye contact with Bokuto in the kitchen, practically begging for him to do something. Bokuto didn’t hesitate, interfering was his favourite hobby.

Right before Iwaizumi made it to the front door, Bokuto slid in his way, a hand on his shoulder, turning him around and putting an arm around him. “Iwaizumi! Leaving so soon?” He asked, walking him back into the common room, where Oikawa was still standing frozen behind the couch. “Listen, bro, you’re with Kawa-san all the time and we barely know anything about you, why don’t you stay for lunch?”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened. “Oh, uh, no I wouldn’t want to impose—“

“Impose? Why would you impose?” Bokuto smiled sweetly, dropping Iwaizumi back next to Tooru. “We already have one guest today, the more the merrier is what I say!” He passed a hand through his flat hair, taking it out of his eyes. “You can shower here and I’m sure Tooru wouldn’t mind letting you borrow some clothes, it’s perfect! It’s on me!”

Bokuto was purposely being louder than usual to dig into this guy’s head. He was a little upset that anyone would use his friend like that, and if it were up to him, Iwaizumi Hajime could go back to the streets, but this meant a lot to his roommate, so he wasn’t going to be a dick about it. Well not _too much_ of a dick about it anyway. “Um…” Iwaizumi looked over at Oikawa, whose face looked a lot more hopeful than before, and he let his body deflate. “Sure, I guess, why not?” He sighed.

“Amazing!”

At that point, Kuroo and Kenma emerged out of Kuroo’s room, the smaller boy still sporting his usual blank expression and the taller one with a content look on his face. Kenma didn’t have a game in hand, both his hands were in his—Kuroo’s—hoodie pockets, he looked over at the three boys standing in the common room and his eyes set on Iwaizumi. “Hey, Hajime,” he said blankly.

“Hi, Kenma,” Iwaizumi said instinctively, before then doing a giant double take, making his own head hurt. “Wait, Kenma? What are you doing here?”

Kenma turned his head towards Kuroo slightly, his face unchanging. “This is my boyfriend,” he paused, then looked at the taller boy who looked absolutely over the moon. “Introduce yourself.”

Kuroo glitched and then shook his head. “Kuroo Tetsuro,” he smiled awkwardly, giving him a small salute.

Both Tooru and Kotarou were painted with confusion. “You two know each other?” Oikawa asked, pointing between them.

Iwaizumi opened his mouth but Kenma got to it first. “Technically he’s my step-brother,” he said plainly.

“Yeah, his mom married my dad,” Iwaizumi nodded. “It’s all still pretty new… only, like, eight months?” He looked over at Kenma for confirmation, the smaller boy nodded.The room went silent. Kuroo wasn’t paying attention, he was too focused on passing his hand through Kenma’s hair, Iwaizumi looked awkward as hell, the bags under his eyes were dark and his hands were behind his back while he rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, while both Oikawa and Bokuto were trying to process the information they had just heard. Iwaizumi took it upon himself to break the silence. “Um, so… can I shower?”

This helped the room get back to a normal pace. Oikawa showed Iwaizumi to the bathroom and gave him a towel while the other three boys sat at the common room table, debating whether they should go with Chinese food or Thai. “I say Indian,” Kuroo entwined his fingers with Kenma’s smaller ones—his other hand was occupied by his phone, he was playing Subway Surfers. “We haven’t had Indian in ages and that place down the road is actually really good.”

“I guess we could go with Indian,” Bokuto sighed, looking through the pile of menus they kept from each of the restaurants nearby. “But wasn’t that the restaurant that gave Kawa-san food poisoning?” Kuroo leaned back on his chair, he was probably remembering the hellish three days they went through where they had to bring Oikawa whatever he wanted and he milked it until the very end. Not to mention the smell of vomit that didn’t leave the air for a week. “Yeah, we’re not doing that again.”

“I vote Chinese,” Kenma said quietly. “I really want some vegetarian spring rolls.”

Kuroo’s face flushed a little bit as his gaze fixed on Kenma and he leaned his chin on his hand. _He really is a lovesick puppy_ , Bokuto smiled at the two, _I love it_.

Oikawa walked back into the common room, his face still a little confused but his demeanour was excited overall. “He’s in _our_ bathroom, taking a _shower_ ,” he squealed. Bokuto laughed.

“You’ve seen him naked plenty of times,” Kotarou raised his eyebrows, Kuroo nodded in agreement. “ _That_ we are sure of,” the two exchanged a look and burst into giggles while Tooru rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well this is _different_.“

Bokuto’s phone buzzed on the table and he flicked his gaze over the notification.

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _@akaashikeiji5 just followed you_

His heart jumped out of his chest as he stood up and picked up his phone, staring holes into his phone. “Oh, my God,” he breathed. The other three boys all looked up at him, slightly worried for his health. “Akaashi just followed me on Instagram!”

Kuroo and Oikawa exchanged a look. “Who?”

“Akaashi Keiji!” Bokuto said again, looking at his friends. “The boy from the coffee shop!”

Mango jumped onto the table and Kenma put his phone down to stroke him. “You know Akaashi?” He asked.

Bokuto looked at him in confusion. “How do _you_ know Akaashi?”

Kenma shrugged. “He was my roommate up until a week ago,” he only half looked at Bokuto. “He’s a nice guy, not a horrible roommate.”

Kuroo’s eyes widened. “Akaashi? I know him!” He then winked at Bokuto. “You’re into the _pretty_ ones, huh?”

“Am I the only one who _doesn’t_ know the guy?” Oikawa pouted. "Oh and before I forget," he hit Kuroo in the back of the head. "I can't believe you knew we were gonna keep the cat and didn't say anything." Kuroo's eyes widened and he blushed, Kenma didn't say anything.

Bokuto opened the notification, landing on Akaashi’s profile, a giant smile on his face. His profile picture was a shadowed picture of a dog and he only had three posts but that was definitely him. His boy. Akaashi Keiji. The guy who dropped his ice cream when he saw him. The boy who never called him after he left him his number.

But if he didn’t want anything to do with him then why add him on instagram?

Bokuto looked over his bio.

**Akaashi Keiji**

18 - Fine Art Major @ MSU

“You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.”

Ex-Volleyball Setter // Go Tigers!

_Oh, I'm in trouble,_ Bokuto thought. _There's no way I'm not gonna catch feelings._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooooh it's starting! thank you so much for all the support so far<3


	5. warm glow on a cold night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter took me about five hours to write, i poured my entire being into it, i really hope you like it!!!

_9:24PM_

**_[owlboy4]_ ** _can i ask you something?_

Akaashi wasn’t expecting Bokuto to text him. He was actually in the process of building up the courage to say something first but it seemed, once again, Bokuto beat him to it. Akaashi wondered if that would ever change. He looked up into the kitchen where his other roommate, Shimizu Kiyoko was making herself some pasta. Sugawara was out with his boyfriend so they were going to watch a movie together. “Psst, Kiyoko,” Akaashi’s head peaked from the couch, she turned to him, her glasses fogged up from the pasta steam. “He texted me,” he bit his lip, Kiyoko smiled, putting the wooden spoon and rushing to sit next to Akaashi on the couch.

Kiyoko was a small girl, she was very pretty and tended to be very quiet around people but one-on-one she was the sweetest, most fun, roommate Akaashi could have asked for. She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned over to look at Akaashi’s screen. “Well, go on! Open it!” She pushed his shoulder slightly. Akaashi felt his stomach do flips, he felt his thumbs hover over the keyboard before typing his response.

**_[akaashikeiji5]_ ** _Sure._

“Wow, I’m loving the enthusiasm already,” Kiyoko teased.

“Oh, shush,” Akaashi’s face heated up. “I don’t want to embarrass myself…” he paused, Kiyoko held back a laugh. “Again.”

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _do you think penguins are aware that they are birds without the ability to fly?_

Kiyoko burst out laughing. “He reminds me of Ryu when we first started talking,” she got up to go stir her pasta. “He’s a keeper.”

Akaashi’s smile widened. “He probably thinks I don’t like him because I didn’t text him,” he sighed. “I should just tell him that I couldn’t read his handwriting.”

**_[akaashikeiji5]_ ** _I honestly have no idea._

**_[akaashikeiji5]_ ** _Though it would be kind of depressing if they did._

Akaashi locked his phone, trying not to wait for him to reply, he didn’t want to seem too eager. Less than a minute later, his phone buzzed again.

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _right???!??!?!_

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _are you working tonight?_

**_[akaashikeiji5]_ ** _Yes. My shift starts at 11:30PM._

It took Bokuto about five minutes to reply this time. Akaashi frowned while checking his phone every twenty seconds and barely listening to Kiyoko complain about the literature professor that sent her four essays to complete even though he promised there would be no work on this break.

When Akaashi’s phone buzzed again, he opened the message almost _too_ quickly,

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _sorry my idiot friend just got attacked by our cat_

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _THAT’S GREAT!!!_

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _i have a paper due in two days and i want to get started early for once_

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _you mind if i come sit with you for a bit?_

Akaashi’s face had never looked so happy.

**_[akaashikeiji5]_ ** _No, not at all, I’d appreciate the company._

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _now that’s what i like to HEAR!!!_

**_[owlboi4]_ ** _i’ll see you in a few!_

It was 11:42PM and Bokuto still wasn’t here.

Akaashi didn’t hold it against him, he probably got caught up at the apartment and was running late or maybe he’d just changed his mind, but what Akaashi did know for sure was that the entire time while he watched that film with Kiyoko he was restless. He kept flicking his phone screen on and off to check the time or for any new messages and he couldn’t stop thinking about seeing Bokuto and finally getting to talk to him properly. He felt so nervous, a little bit like he did before a volleyball match back in high school. His stomach was fluttering and his heart was in his throat but not in a negative way. In an excited kind of way. Like in the movies.

Three drunken girls came in about ten minutes later, each of them falling over each other and helplessly flirting with Akaashi who smiled at them and replied kindly while he handed them their coffees. “You’re so pretty, you know that?” One of the girls slurred with a giggle.

“Oh, my gosh, girl, you sound like a creepy old man hitting on a teenage girl!” Another one piped up. Akaashi chuckled nervously.

The first girl smacked the second on the back. “Oh, shut up!” The third girl looked like she was about to throw up. “At least I have the _balls_ to say something!”

When they finally left, Akaashi was glad to not have to mop up any vomit from the floor.

The downside to the night shift was the lack of things to do. Usually within half an hour of his shift, Akaashi had already cleaned up the entire cafe and the coffee machine and would have nothing to do for the next few hours unless someone managed to stop by. He would also usually bring some of his work and do some extra research for his essays and start reading up on the next chapters before his next lecture but since Bokuto was coming today he thought it wasn’t really necessary. Yet, the more time passed as Akaashi stared at the door and saw no one coming, he thought maybe he should have brought his work after all.

Akaashi was in the back, reorganising the coffee based on type when he heard the door open. He had four packs in his arms and his heart jumped slightly. “One moment!” He called out. “I’ll be right out!”

He set the coffee down on an empty shelf, wiping his hands on his apron and catching his own reflection in the staff microwave, he fixed his hair a little bit, smiling at himself and walked out into the shop, his heart dropped when he saw Sugawara and his boyfriend Sawamura Daichi standing at the counter. He very obviously frowned at his friends which made Suga laugh. “What are you guys doing here at this time?” Akaashi asked.

“Hello to you too, Keiji,” Suga laughed, Akaashi noticed the two were holding hands, Daichi just stood next to him, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish look on his face. “We came to check up on you, since we know you get lonely on your shifts.” From the corner of his eye, Akaashi saw a person approaching in the distance, it was too dark to make him out.

“I have never said that in my life,” Akaashi deadpanned.

Suga turned to see where Akaashi was looking. “Were you waiting for someone?”

The black haired boy’s eyes widened. “No,” he lied. “Did you want to order something?”

Daichi smiled, lifting a finger as if asking for permission to speak. “Yeah, can I get a jasmine tea?” Akaashi nodded and started making it just as Daichi handed him the money. Just as he was turned, the door opened again but this time Akaashi didn’t turn around, it was probably Suga messing with him.

“Suga keep the door—“

Daichi interrupted him with a greeting. “Bokuto-san? Hey bro, what are you doing here?” Akaashi turned slowly and caught sight of Daichi and _the_ Bokuto, _his_ Bokuto, bro-hugging, both of them held a smile on their face. They knew each other. Why did they know each other?

Bokuto pulled back and looked over at Akaashi. “I told ‘Kaash-kun I’d stop by but I fell asleep, so I’m a little late,” he laughed. He sounded a little embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, by the way, we had two extra people over all day and it was exhausting,” he directed this one at Akaashi who was standing very still with Daichi’s cup of tea in hand. Suga looked between the two of them, his face _way_ too excited for Akaashi’s liking.

“How exactly do you two know each other?” Suga asked with raised eyebrows. He was enjoying this too much.

Daichi looked over at Bokuto with a smile. “We’re both on the MSU Volleyball team, he’s our Wing Spiker—top five in the nation was it?” Daichi shoved the grey-and-black haired boy on the shoulder and Bokuto chuckled modestly.

“That’s me!” Bokuto raised a fist proudly.

“He was also the reason why my school never managed to go to nationals,” Daichi scrunched up his face. “They always won, and it’s one team per prefecture, so…”

Bokuto put his hand on Daichi’s shoulder. “But we went to nationals last year!” He replied. “And we’ll go again this year. Hopefully we’ll win this time.” Both boys burst out laughing, probably remembering their shared experience. Akaashi’s mind was blank, he didn’t have anything to say, but he was observing Bokuto very closely. How warm he was, how easily he talked and laughed and made friends. Akaashi was a little jealous. He wished he could join the conversation in some way, show him he could also be sociable and fun, that he wasn’t just a socially awkward, emotionless guy, but no matter how hard he searched his mind, nothing came to him.

Daichi, Suga and Bokuto talked for a little more, laughing together and making jokes, then Daichi took his tea and the three of them said their goodbyes. “Oh, Kiyoko wanted me to tell you she left you dinner!” Akaashi called out to Sugawara before they headed out. There was a little bit of silence once the door shut and it was only Bokuto and Akaashi left. All of a sudden, the preparation that he’d gone through in his head was gone and he felt naked in front of Bokuto, who looked a lot more put together than the last time he’d seen him.

His hair was full and spiked up, his black streaks much less evident than usual and the grey was less dull today. His face was cleanly shaven and his cheeks were a little red from the cold, even his nose—Akaashi’s eyes set on the tip of Bokuto’s nose, which was a little shiny and flushed red, it was so _cute_ that Akaashi felt like crying. His eyes were wide and soft, the golden colour gleaming in the light of the cafe. He was biting the inside of his lip but there was a smile on his face. Akaashi felt a lump in his throat, a sort of happiness and helplessness that came with crushing on someone. He wanted to hug him, he wanted to greet him in a way that was close and intimate, not with an awkward wave from across the counter.

Akaashi stayed put. He waved.

Bokuto waved back.

“I was starting to think you wouldn’t show up,” Akaashi said quietly. He didn’t sound mad, not playful either. Maybe a little relieved.

Bokuto stepped forward, holding a beanie in his hand and a shameful look on his face. “Okay, so I was really excited to come hang,” he started. “But then Kawa-san put on a really boring film and I fell asleep and _no one_ woke me up so I literally—“ he stopped himself. “Anyway, I’m sorry but I am here now!” He grinned widely, making Akaashi unable to keep a straight face.

“What movie was it?” He leaned over the counter, his blue eyes quite literally gazing at the owl boy in front of him, while he went to sit at a stool in front of him.

Bokuto chewed on the inside of his lip. “I don’t remember what it was called,” he chuckled breathily. “But, shocker, the boy ended up with the girl- oh! And his dad wasn't actually his dad,” he licked his lips, unzipping his coat and putting it down in the seat next to him. “Dammit, the cold always makes my hands and lips so dry, I hate it,” he rubbed his hands together.

“You want a cup of coffee?” Akaashi asked. A thousand images of what he would do if he were in a film flashed through his brain. He wanted to pull out some lip balm and put it on his lips and offer to kiss him, he wanted to take his hands into his own and—but he couldn’t so he settled. Bokuto sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“I have a confession,” his face was holding back a smile, his round eyes focused on Akaashi’s expression. The pause told Bokuto to go on. “I don’t actually like coffee…”

Akaashi’s mouth dropped open. “But I made you coffee the other night and you drank it all—“

“Yeah, ‘cause you were so nice and I didn’t wanna say anything!” Bokuto said, his voice squeaky while Akaashi put his head in his hands, half embarrassed but half amused. “I didn’t want you to think I didn’t appreciate it, but it makes my tummy hurt!”

Akaashi looked up with a smile, trying to bite it back. “Your tummy?”

Bokuto’s face flushed and he opened his mouth in protest. “My _stomach_!” He laughed, an open-mouthed, joyful laugh that made Akaashi’s heart flutter. He never wanted to stop looking at him, every moment he spent with him, the more he learned about him, the more he wanted. It was selfish, it was a little fast, but Akaashi didn’t really care. He didn’t have the space in his mind to care, because his brain was filled with Bokuto’s laugh. The way you could see all his teeth when he was smiling genuinely. The ease in which he talked to other people.

_I’m really crushing hard_.

“Anyway, I’m sorry for deceiving you for so long,” Bokuto winked. “I would really love a green tea with honey though, if you don’t mind?”

Akaashi’s first thought was, _why would I mind? I’d do anything for you._ What he actually said, was, “Sure, weirdo,” which made Bokuto flush a bit but he looked like he appreciated the nickname. Though it wasn’t really a nickname, did Akaashi just insult him? He hoped Bokuto didn’t think Akaashi was being rude. That’s the last thing he would want— _I’m overthinking again. Shut up, Keiji._

The two boys sat together, talking about anything and everything and the one thing that made Akaashi both unbelievably happy and relieved that the conversation flowed so easily. They talked about volleyball and their majors and their common love of art. Akaashi learned that Bokuto _loved_ pottery. “Yeah, pottery!” He exclaimed. “I sometimes make plates and bowls for the apartment but someone always ends up smashing them. It’s actually kind of annoying but it gives me an excuse to make more!” Akaashi couldn’t stop smiling as he listened to Bokuto talk. “My favourite part is painting them, ‘cause I get to make cool patterns and stuff, once I made Kenma a mug with lots of cats on it and I _actually_ saw him smile. It was great.”

The more they talked, the more Akaashi grew comfortable putting his guard down around the taller boy. When Bokuto asked him what his favourite food was, Akaashi couldn’t really find one thing. “Actually!” He stood up. “Give me a second.” He went behind the counter again from the table they were sitting at and he pulled out the last two almond croissants and the last slice of red velvet cake. “They might be a bit dry since they were made this morning, but I really love snacking on these,” he brought the two plates back to their table. It was the same table Bokuto sat at when he came to do his paper two weeks ago, the one next to the window, with the butterfly drawing on the corner of the table and the mismatched chairs. “Have you ever had an almond croissant?” 

Bokuto shrugged. “Maybe?”

“Okay, well you’ve never had one like _this_ ,” Akaashi handed him one of the croissants, and watched him as he took a bite of it. Bokuto’s eyes widened and he looked at Akaashi as if he’d just seen an angel. “Right?” He smiled, happy that he liked it. “Wait…” he paused, making Bokuto stop chewing. “You’re not just saying that to be nice again, are you?” 

Bokuto laughed, inhaling some of the pastry and choking slightly. “No, no, I promise, this time, I actually like it!” Akaashi sniggered a laugh and patted Bokuto on the back, trying to get him to stop choking, which made Bokuto subconsciously lean towards his touch, not that Akaashi minded, but against all his heart wanted, he pulled his hand away. He didn’t want to be too forward, he didn’t really understand anything but he didn’t want to scare this boy away. He wanted to keep him for as long as he could.

As the night went on, no other costumers came in. Akaashi’s shift ended at 3AM so the two of them still have a little bit of time left to talk. Bokuto was currently talking about his roommates, his best friends. There was so much love and aspiration in his words when he talked about them, it made Akaashi happy that he had a good support system but he also felt a little jealous. He wanted Bokuto to love him just as much and talk about _him_ like that. Maybe that was weird. “I’ve known Kuroo since we were like, ten years old, he basically saved me—“ he stopped himself, shaking his head. “He’s stuck by my side since then, and then in middle school we met Oikawa, and he was so confident and cool we were too intimidated by him to go up to him for _ages_ but then we finally talked to him at volleyball tryouts and the rest is history,” he smiled. “We three were on the same volleyball team from middle school into high school, we even went to nationals a bunch of times. Some of my best memories live at nationals,” he bit his lip. “They both quit volleyball after high school though, so now I’m here on a volleyball scholarship and they come watch my games and criticise my every move.”

Akaashi laughed, a genuine, open, unguarded laugh. “We should play together sometime,” he suggested, making Bokuto’s face light up. “What position did they play?”

“Tooru was the best setter in existence, could adapt to anyone’s play in seconds,” he explained. “And Kuroo was a _monster_ mid-blocker. His read-blocking was insane.” 

“We could get Daichi and Suga involved and make it a three on three?” Akaashi took a bite of the red velvet cake and watched Bokuto get excited about it. “It’s a date then,” he said mindlessly, before his mind could catch up to his mouth. His face turned red and he froze in place, eyes wide as Bokuto looked at him in a quiet disbelief and nodded slightly.

They kept talking for another hour or so until one of Akaashi’s co-workers, a boy he greeted as Tanaka Ryuunosuke—a tall-ish boy with a shaved head who could not stop yawning—showed up to take over the shop until the morning. He looked like a zombie, Akaashi made fun of him a little bit and Bokuto gave him some words of encouragement and just like that, at 3AM, Bokuto and Akaashi found themselves in the cold air of this early November morning.

And as they walked quietly towards the spot where they would have to inevitably split ways, Akaashi felt a sort of warmth spread over his chest, a realisation that something in his life was finally going in the right direction. He didn’t feel the need to fill the space in the conversation, he never once felt awkward or judged by the person standing next to him. It didn’t matter to Akaashi in this moment what the two boys were to each other, because for once he felt content with waiting for it. The need to be closer to him and hold his hand and embrace him was a need he was willing to wait to fulfil if that meant he could get to know him and hang out with him like this for even just a little while longer.


	6. tears of exhaustion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO much for all the comments and all the kudos, i appreciate them all so much and you've all made me so happy! thank you for reading, enjoy this next chapter!

Before the two boys split ways, Akaashi had turned to Bokuto with a furrowed brow. “Didn’t you have a paper to start?”

“Ohhh yeahhhhh,” he dragged out, his head falling back towards the sky. Bokuto looked at Akaashi with a smile, holding his hands behind his back. “I just needed an excuse to go to a cafe at 11:30 at night,” he paused. “I didn’t even bring a bag.” 

On the following Saturday, it rained. Bokuto was home alone, Kuroo had left him to hang out with Kenma in his dorm and Oikawa had gone home for the weekend, so the apartment was empty and Bokuto was bored. He and Akaashi had been talking on and off through their Instagram DMs, mainly about random things that came to Bokuto’s head, he didn’t know why Akaashi indulged him. If it were anyone else, they’d leave him on read. Akaashi was making it too hard for Bokuto to just want to be his friend. 

The black haired boy’s shift had ended at 4AM, and Bokuto tried his best to stay up to talk to him and keep him company during his shift, but Akaashi insisted he go to bed, and after an hour of protesting, Bokuto gave in and fell asleep within seconds. It had been a week of this, but Bokuto already felt as if he and Akaashi were falling into step with each other, in a routine they didn’t want to escape. Bokuto was okay with it. 

Though, now, as he sat at his windowsill, watching the rain pour out from his window—Mango sitting next to him, very focused on the raindrops running down the glass—Bokuto couldn’t help feeling a bit lonely. Maybe it was the fact that every single one of his friends was in a relationship or maybe it was just that he was alone in the apartment for the first time in a year. He wasn’t used to the silence. 

“Alexa,” he whined with a pout. The blue ring of the apartment robot glowed. “Do you love me?”

“I have not figured out human love yet.”

_Figures_. Bokuto rolled his eyes, looking at Mango who stared back, his eyes half-lidded. “You love me, don’t you?” He patted the cat on his head. “Yeah, you do,” his voice automatically sounded as if he were talking to a baby. He smiled at the cat, while scratching the back of his ears and turned his attention back onto the window. Luckily it was a Saturday and barely anyone needed to be out today, however, after a while, Bokuto caught sight of someone running in the rain, a jacket over their head—it was soaked, Bokuto hardly thought that would help—but they looked like they were searching for something. 

Bokuto watched the person, mostly in disbelief, and pressed his forehead against the window. “You gotta be real dumb to go outside in this weather,” he looked at Mango from the corner of his eye. “ _Real_ dumb—wait a minute!” The person outside dropped their coat and looked up into the sky, hitting himself in the face. “I _know_ that idiot!” Bokuto jumped up, making Mango flinch.

He didn’t really think about anything as he grabbed his coat and Oikawa’s umbrella and headed out into the street. 

Akaashi was standing, in the middle of a grass patch in front of Bokuto’s apartment building, muttering to himself and soaked from head to toe. Suddenly, he felt the rain stop and he opened his eyes to find an umbrella over the top of his head. Akaashi turned slowly, his eyes meeting the familiar, round, yellow ones he’d grown to love over the past month. “May I ask what the hell you’re doing out in this weather?” Bokuto asked, he looked a little worried. “I’m assuming you’re not trying to do a one-man reenactment of _Singing in the Rain_ , 'cause that’s a dumb reason to get sick.”

Akaashi felt a little embarrassed, his eyes were pleading and he was biting his lip to hold back from crying. “It’s stupid—“ he sighed. “I lost my ID. And usually I’d just go and get a new one but it’s the _third_ time in a month and I don’t want to go back there again, plus I don’t have any cash on me and I’m so freakin’ tired, I just—“ he gave out a little sob. Bokuto awe’d, his mouth fighting a smile, trying to be supportive while Akaashi had his mini freak out, shaking from the cold. It really was a dumb little thing, but Akaashi had been up all night and he was probably exhausted so his emotions were all over the place. 

Bokuto took off his coat, still trying to hold his umbrella over the other boy’s head and wrapped it around Akaashi’s shoulders, putting an arm around him and rubbing his shoulder to warm him up. This made Akaashi look up with wide eyes and a sniffle, his face red, not just from the cold, or the crying. Bokuto didn’t notice. “You’re coming back to my place and you’re taking a warm bath, there’s no way I’m letting you run around in the rain any longer,” he smiled. “And hey, if you want, I’ll come to the admin office with you so you can get a new ID, I’ll lend you the money, ‘kay?” Akaashi gave a little nod, still embarrassed he was being seen like this, but too tired to say anything and he followed Bokuto back to his apartment. 

The heating in apartment 3B was on and it was _heavenly_. Bokuto had never been so glad to walk into his home than that very moment. Having to walk even two minutes in just a t-shirt with pouring rain and the early December air was too much for him, he wasn’t made for the winter. 

Akaashi took his shoes off at the door and waited while Bokuto brought him a towel and directed him towards the bathroom. He was still crying a little bit, not in sobs but there were tired tears streaking down his face that could easily be mistaken as drops of water from his hair. Bokuto didn’t say anything, he just smiled softly as he reassured his _friend_ that he was going to be okay.

While Akaashi was in the bathroom, Bokuto put Akaashi’s clothes in the drier, but he still went into his room and pulled out a hoodie and sweats for Akaashi to borrow. He didn’t want to admit it, but the idea of Akaashi wearing his clothes made his heart beat unspeakably fast and his stomach do flips. “I put some dry clothes in front of the door!” Bokuto called into the bathroom. 

“Thank you,” Akaashi hiccupped softly. 

Bokuto just hoped he wouldn’t fall asleep in the tub and drown.

He was a little nervous, he had to admit. While Akaashi was in there, Bokuto realised the apartment was a little dark so he took it upon himself to turn on four lamps and the one scented candle they had in the apartment. He was fidgeting a little too much. He was glad when he heard the bathroom door open and Akaashi take his clothes. He decided to make him a cup of tea, that would, _hopefully_ help him relax.

Just as Bokuto was putting honey in Akaashi’s tea, there was a knock at the door. Bokuto gave one last look in the direction of the bathroom and headed to open the door. “Yeah- oh?” Bokuto’s eyes landed on a shorter boy. “K-Kenma? Why are you-?”

The blonde boy pushed past him into the apartment, barely looking up from his phone. He had an umbrella in hand and it was dripping all over the floor. Bokuto didn’t say anything. “Kuroo forgot his pyjamas here and and I refuse to let him sleep naked,” Kenma said lazily. “But he’s napping in my bed and I know he won’t come here to get it himself, so I came instead,” he shrugged.

“Right…” Bokuto’s eyebrows knitted together. The bathroom door opened, making Bokuto’s breath hitch and Kenma look up.

“D’you have company?”

Bokuto scratched the back of his head. “Ehh, well…” 

Akaashi walked out of the bathroom, his feet pattering on the wooden floor, Bokuto’s jumper was too big on him, slightly falling off his shoulders, the sleeves long enough to cover his hands up to the tips of his fingers and the sweatpants were a little loose and baggy on him. Looking at him while he passed a towel through his wet curls, his face a little flushed from crying and the tip of his nose red from the cold, made Bokuto feel something he’d never felt before. _Yearning_.

Kenma noticed the hoodie Akaashi was wearing was Bokuto’s old volleyball jumper from high school. He raised an eyebrow, making Bokuto’s face redden. Akaashi froze in place when he realised they weren’t alone. “I won’t overstay my welcome, I’ll just get Kuroo’s PJs and be on my merry way,” Kenma teased. It was the first time Bokuto had heard Kenma tease and he couldn’t say he was a huge fan of it. He gave Akaashi a smile, he still seemed extremely disoriented.

Once Kenma left, only a few minutes later, Bokuto mopped up the spot where his umbrella had leaked and brought Akaashi the cup of tea he’d made him earlier, still hot and steaming. “You wanna come sit on the couch?” Bokuto asked, patting the cushions. The other boy was standing next to the wall, grasping at the towel, his eyes unfocused. Bokuto smiled softly, tugging at his sleeve to get him out of his trance. He sat him down with the mug of tea and took his place in a spot next to him, but not too close—he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. “You feeling better?”

Akaashi took a sip of his tea, still staring straight ahead, as if his eyes were too tired to make any movement. He nodded.

“You can sleep, you know?” Bokuto said softly. He wondered if this sudden freak out Akaashi had was deeper than just a lost ID and exhaustion. He was probably thinking too much into it, but he couldn’t stop himself. Could just be stress? There were countless times where Bokuto himself cried about the amount of work he had to do, plus Akaashi was balancing a part-time job. It couldn’t have been easy.

Akaashi turned to him slowly, his eyes welled with tears, and he took a shaky breath. Bokuto chuckled softly, patting him on the head, his hair still a little wet, and he took the mug from him, setting it down on the coffee table in front of them. “I’ll get you a—“ he started, but before he could get up Akaashi had gripped onto the fabric of Bokuto’s flannel pants. They both looked at each other, very still for a second. Akaashi’s eyes were saying, _stay_ and Bokuto could never say no to him.

He sat back down slowly and Akaashi’s head found a home on Bokuto’s lap, his legs coming up to his chest and his hands holding tightly onto Bokuto’s.

The owl boy’s heart was jumping up and down in his chest, up to his throat. His stomach was _actually_ filled with butterflies, he realised that in that moment he understood what butterflies in your stomach meant and he didn’t know if he liked it. Do friends do this? Was this okay? Was it okay to feel happy about being _needed_? Was it okay that he was still crushing on a person who was supposedly uninterested in him? More importantly, would a person who was uninterested grasp onto another person like this?

There were too many questions running around Bokuto’s head but they all faded as his hand instinctively found its way in Akaashi’s hair, twisting his fingers softly through each curl, his breathing steady and finally calm, his side profile could match one of a prince, Bokuto held back from tracing it with his finger. His nose was perfectly arched and his jawline was sharp. His eyes were softer than you’d expect on a face as edged as his, but it all fit together so nicely. Bokuto wondered what he’d done in his life to deserve even being around the boy. 

It took everything in him not to question every singular moment of their relationship. They’d barely known each other for a month and yet Bokuto felt so much comfort in his presence. It would have been easy to freak out about it and start pushing him away. There was a side of Bokuto that wanted to do that. The side who was still hurt and broken from his childhood trauma. The side that was taught that showing emotion or being loved was a weakness. The side he’d spent most of his life trying to escape. 

But being here, with Akaashi Keiji, the awkward boy he’d met one night at a cafe he’d found by chance… that felt too special. Too fragile to question, too big to ignore. No matter which of his instincts told him to run away, or guard himself, or hold his trust tight to his chest and never give it to anyone, Bokuto finally felt anchored to something. He no longer felt like he was floating through and trying to rely on only himself, he finally felt like he had a purpose in his place. It didn’t matter to him if Akaashi didn’t feel the same way. Well, actually, he’d be a little hurt and it would definitely take him a long time to get over it, but he wanted to feel like this forever. _Needed_. _Comfortable_. _Happy_. 

After a couple of minutes, the boys’ breathing synced up and Bokuto drifted off to sleep, his hand in his _friend_ ’s hair and his _friend_ ’s head in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was a little shorter than the rest but i have big plans for number seven! thanks for reading;)


	7. 12/5

Akaashi woke up to a flickering candle in a very dim room.

His first thought was that he’d been kidnapped and this was where they were keeping him. Then, after realising he was curled up on a couch in fresh clothes, he thought that may have been improbable. His hands were searching for something. What were they searching for? _Oh_. Bokuto. They were searching for Bokuto. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t in the spot where he’d been when Akaashi had fallen asleep. Images from earlier rushed back to his head and his heart found itself in his throat. _Dammit, dammit, dammit, fuck,_ he freaked out, sitting up slowly, his head pounding. _He probably thinks I’m pathetic—wait_ , Akaashi sniffed the air. _What’s that smell?_

He looked around the room. It was dark for the most part, there was just one lamp on next to the small common room window and the rest of the light was coming from the kitchen where, lo and behold, the flat-haired owl-looking boy was standing, pouring boiling water in what looked like instant noodles and humming to himself. Akaashi stood up, leaving the blanket on the couch and walking slowly towards the kitchen. The floor was cold and he wasn’t wearing socks, but this hoodie was so soft and it smelled like Bokuto so Akaashi had never felt warmer. He pulled the sleeves down.

Bokuto flinched slightly when he turned and saw Akaashi leaning on the fridge. It took him a second to collect himself but once he did, he gave Akaashi a warm smile, even with a mouthful of noodles. “You slept okay?” Bokuto asked, swallowing his food, trying to hide the fact he just burned his throat. Akaashi nodded quietly, trying to find the words. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything, I’m happy to just sit here in silence,” he swished his fork around in his noodles. “We can put on a movie or something if you want or you can sleep more, I don’t mind!” 

Akaashi felt so grateful that he thought maybe he was going to cry again. He was determined not to. “No, I mean, it’s just—“ his voice cracked, he took a breath. “December fifth isn’t the easiest day in the world for me. So, yeah, I just—“ he avoided Bokuto’s gaze. “Thank you.”

Bokuto didn’t say anything, he just took another forkful of noodles and tried his best not to burn himself again. He offered Akaashi another cup of tea or coffee or even some noodles but Akaashi politely declined and the two of them found themselves on opposite ends of the couch, Bokuto finishing his food and Akaashi looking out into nothing. “Oh! Your phone was buzzing out of control and it was Suga calling to see where you were, I told him you were asleep,” Bokuto bit his lip. “I just didn’t want him to worry, but he asked me—or you—to text him and let him know when or if you were going home, uh, today,” he cleared his throat, for some reason he felt a lot more awkward than usual. “It died, by the way—your phone, I mean. So I put it in charge a little bit ago, I hope that’s okay.”

Akaashi nodded slowly. “Thanks,” he said quietly. “What time is it?”

Bokuto flicked his phone screen on. “Six-oh-two,” he smiled. “Did you have somewhere you needed to be?” 

Akaashi held a breath. “Yeah,” his gaze didn’t move. “I may need to borrow some clothes.” Bokuto was confused but he didn’t really want to impose, he didn’t know if they were close for him to question his plans. Akaashi saw the worry on his face and smiled, trying to reassure him. “It’s just my parents, a _birthday_ dinner thing,” he mumbled. “Probably just an excuse to criticise my life choices.”

Bokuto’s face was painted in surprise. Probably because he’d just found out it was Akaashi’s birthday. He hoped he wouldn’t say anything and just leave it be. There was nothing _happy_ about his birthday. Bokuto tried to read his expression, he didn’t know what to do, he felt completely helpless, Akaashi wasn’t giving anything away. So he shook his head and changed the subject instead. Akaashi was glad. “What kinda clothes? I can’t promise you’ll find much variety but if anything we’ll take something from Kuroo or Kawa-san’s room,” Bokuto smiled, going to throw away his Pot Noodles. “Oh and your clothes from this morning have been washed and dried, I folded them and put them on the table.”

The highlight of doing Akaashi’s laundry was seeing the little sheep on his socks. Under different circumstances, Bokuto would probably have teased him about it.

The two of them made their way into Bokuto’s room, something that felt wildly intimate to the taller boy. He felt very conscious of everything in his bedroom the moment Akaashi stepped inside. Akaashi barely even looked around, too caught up in his own thoughts to even process being in Bokuto’s room. He hated being like this. He wished they wouldn’t affect him like they did anymore. He thought that maybe now that he’d moved out, they wouldn’t have the same control over him as they used to. But it’s always the same, _round and round in circles we go_. 

While he changed into the only pair of dress pants Bokuto owned and tucked Bokuto’s white shirt into them, there was a moment while he was tightening his belt that he caught himself in the mirror. The clothes were far too big for him, it wasn’t the height that made Bokuto and Akaashi so different in size, it was Bokuto’s muscles and Akaashi’s lack-there-of. Sure he was lean, but he was in no way as built as the broad shouldered boy who’s main passion in life was a sport that included doing more squats than a person would ever dream of doing. The sleeves of the shirt were large and too long, reaching down to his palms, but he didn’t mind. He actually appreciated the extra space, it was more comfortable and would probably piss his parents off.

“Um, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi asked, peaking his head out of the bathroom. “Did you find a tie?” 

Bokuto skipped towards him from his bedroom, looking triumphant. “Yes I did!” He held it up. It was light blue, it matched Akaashi’s eyes. “I think this is the tie I wore to Kuroo’s high school graduation party,” he said, examining the tie before holding it out to his friend. “Here you go! You’re now wearing all the fancy clothes I own.”

Neither of the boys wanted to admit it but part of them was enjoying this. The wearing each other’s clothes, the hanging out without any pressure, the being comfortable enough to cry around each other. It felt domestic. Akaashi just wished it wouldn’t have happened because of his stupid parents. He also wished he didn’t have to leave, that he could just stay here in the warmth of Bokuto’s apartment and not in a stiff restaurant with his expectant parents.

Bokuto called Akaashi an Uber, and just as quickly as he hung up the phone, Akaashi was outside wearing his coat and running into the black car that would take him to see the two people he disliked the most. The grey-and-black haired boy watched him from the window, left with more questions than answers and a bitter taste in his mouth. Today was Akaashi Keiji’s birthday and he was _sad_. Today was his birthday and he didn’t say anything. Today was supposed to be a day where Akaashi was showered with presents and love and attention and instead Bokuto found him crying by himself in the middle of pouring rain and no sleep. Bokuto didn’t like that at all. 

He was frustrated because he didn’t know Akaashi well enough to impose. He didn’t have enough information to say anything. He didn’t know how far was too far and what was considered overstepping. As if reading his mind, Bokuto received a text from a number he’d only added to his contacts a couple of hours ago.

**_[Sugawara Koushi]_ ** _Did he go?_

Bokuto gave out a sigh, because _of course_ Suga knew.

**_[Bokuto Kotarou]_** y _es._

_**[Bokuto Kotarou]** will he be okay?_

Suga took a second to reply.

**_[Sugawara Koushi]_ ** _I really fucking hope so._

**_[Sugawara Koushi]_ ** _Try not to worry too much about him. It stresses him out, he_ _’_ _s weird like that._

Bokuto chuckled breathily down at his phone.

**[Bokuto Kotarou]** i _’_ _ll try_ _my best_

It was 9PM when Bokuto finished the film he was watching—an action-packed adventure about a kid who goes to live with his uncle he takes him to a volcano—and he went over to feed Mango before looking out of the window one last time. It was dark outside and it was still raining. Kotarou wondered if it would ever stop. He’d never seen rain go this hard, and it was much too soon for monsoon season. _Damned global warming_ , Bokuto sighed. _I wish it would just snow instead_.

No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that it was _Akaashi_ _’_ _s birthday_.

That’s how he ended up at his neighbour’s front door at half past nine in the evening. “Bokuto-san!” The red-haired neighbour squealed, leaning forward slightly and narrowing his eyes. “What can I assist you with this fine evening?”

“Hey, Tendou,” Bokuto smiled sheepishly. From where he was standing, he could see the spike-y haired by had been watching TV and he suddenly felt like he was imposing. “This is kind of a weird question but do you happen to have any cupcake mix? Or cake mix or something like that?” He felt stupid asking but if he couldn’t keep himself busy he was afraid he was going to go insane if he sat still until he got to see him again. At least maybe tomorrow he could stop by his apartment and drop those off. He didn’t really have a plan, he just knew that he didn’t want to do nothing.

Tendou thought about it for a moment. “Ummmm, let me check,” he disappeared for a moment. Bokuto made awkward eye contact with the guy sitting on the couch. He looked away. Tendou came back with a frown. “So sorry, Owl Boy, but I’m afraid I have nothing of the sort,” he said. “ _However,_ I do have cookie dough mix? All you have to add is an egg and milk. Is that of any use?” Bokuto considered this for a second, then he smiled and nodded. Tendou handed him the box. “You feeling snack-ish?”

Bokuto gave out a short laugh. “It’s my friend’s birthday and I felt bad for not doing anything,” he looked down at the box. Cookies were better than nothing, right?

“Aw, you Bo-cutie, well I hope your friend enjoys the cookies,” he winked.

Bokuto sat in front of the oven and watched the cookies bake for the entire twenty five minutes because he was terrified of burning them. When they were out of the oven, it took everything in him not to eat them. They smelled so gosh-darn good. He started thinking of ways he could stop by and give these to him without seeming creepy or over-bearing. Like, _oh, I just baked some cookies and I thought you might like some_ , or maybe if he texted Suga first and told him they could come up with something together—Bokuto slapped himself in the face. “This is so stupid!” He shouted. “Why am I so bad at being his friend?” 

After a little bit of wallowing, Bokuto tried to fall asleep. He twisted and turned for about twenty-five minutes, the alarm clock next to him mocking him with every passing second.

_10:23PM_

_10:24PM_

_10:25PM_

“I get it!” He smacked a pillow onto his face.

At 11PM he was halfway through an essay that was due in a week. This was the first time he’d ever started something early out of sheer _boredom_. It was also the only thing that kept his mind away from Akaashi. He was sat at the common room table, only one lamp on, shining over his work while he had books open and notes all over the place. He never understood Kuroo when he told him he had bad handwriting, Bokuto was actually quite proud of the state it was in. His only problem was that he kept smudging the ink, but all he had to do to fix that was buy a new pen. He typed away at his kinesiology work, feeling a little proud of himself for finally doing work on time and then someone knocked at the door.

He was pretty sure it was Tendou coming over to try and sneak a cookie from him, which would only really be half fair since he was willing to give him the mix. Bokuto sighed, ready to shoo his eccentric neighbour away when he opened the door to see a very distressed Akaashi Keiji at his door. Probably the last person he expected to see tonight.

Bokuto didn’t say anything. His mouth was slightly agape and his eyebrows were raised, looking at Akaashi in complete shock.

“I’m sorry,” he started, his voice cracking. “I was gonna go home but then I thought about how Suga would look at me and I just found myself here again.” 

Bokuto didn’t move, but Akaashi, as hard as he was trying not to, started crying, his eyes spilling tears, his mouth open, letting out sobs that were full of frustration and something that felt a little like fear, sobs that were nothing like this morning. He fell forward, his head on Bokuto’s chest and his hands grasping at his t-shirt. Bokuto was not processing anything that was happening. He just took a step back, Akaashi moving with him and he shut the door, instantly wrapping his arms around the crying boy that had just shown up on his doorstep in the middle of the night. 

His mind raced as he leaned back onto the common room table, Akaashi still grasping at him, now standing in between his legs as Bokuto held onto him tightly.

_What happened? Should I have gone with him? Is he hurt?_

He had so many questions, he wished he could rewind, slow this moment down, try and figure out what was wrong with the boy who seemed like his life was so put together. The Fine Art major with a part-time job and a rare, but beautiful smile. The boy with the dark blue eyes who gazed upon him so lovingly. The boy who gave him almond croissants and texted with perfect grammar. What happened? Who hurt him? Bokuto knew from experience that parents could suck, but this felt like it didn’t come from this one night. It was something that had definitely been building up, it was something Akaashi was only letting out now, all at once after years of bottling it all up. It was anger, it was frustration, it was sadness. Bokuto’s heart hurt. The more he heard his boy sob, he harder he held onto him.

They stayed like this for a really long time. Even after Akaashi stopped sobbing, both of them were too afraid of letting go. Akaashi was afraid of being alone and Bokuto didn’t want to give him back to a world that hurt him so much. It was so strange. Bokuto’s mind kept flicking back between how much trust the two had for each other and how little they still knew about one another’s lives. It was a scary thing, to give yourself so wholly to a person you hardly know. Bokuto didn’t know if he should be honoured at the thought, he didn’t know if he was worth the blind trust, but what he did know was that he wanted to be. He wanted to be a person Akaashi could rely on without the fear of being judged or hurt. 

“Your shirt is soaked,” Akaashi said, almost inaudibly. Bokuto gave out a breathy laugh. “I’m sorry.”

Bokuto knew he wasn’t apologising about the shirt. “That’s okay, I’ll just put it in the drier and it’ll be fine,” he smiled, putting his chin on the top of his head, his arms still tight around Akaashi’s slim body. He could feel every curve, the way his back was arched and how tense his chest was. He could feel his shoulders shake as he cried and he could feel his unsteady breath hitch and release. He didn’t want to let go. “You wanna lie down for a bit?” He asked. Akaashi’s head was bound to be in pain, no one could cry like that and then feel fine afterward. His body tensed. “That’s okay if you don’t want to, we don’t have move if you don’t want to,” he put his cheek on the top of his head. He wasn’t thinking about his actions, his body was moving on his own, reacting to Akaashi’s own movements.

Akaashi’s body relaxed when he felt Bokuto slightly rub his cheek on the top of his head. “Do you mind if I get changed first?”

Bokuto took a steady breath, a little relieved. “Yeah, sure, your clothes are just—“

“Yours?”

The owl boy felt warmth spread in his chest, he was sure Akaashi must have felt his heart start beating faster. “Yeah, um…” he grinned, trying not to get too flustered. “Yeah, come on, I left them on my bed.” Akaashi straightened up to let Bokuto lead the way, a patch of darker blue from Akaashi’s crying all over his chest made him smile, and Akaashi grabbed onto his arm, not wanting to lose the closeness between the two of them. Bokuto didn’t complain, he just walked over to his room and let Akaashi get changed. “I’m just gonna go make you a cup of tea, I can only imagine how hard your head must be pounding right now.” 

He was back, five minutes later, to find Akaashi sitting on the edge of his bed, his hands completely hidden in the sleeves of Bokuto’s hoodie and his eyes staring at the ground. Bokuto turned on the small lamp on his bedside table and sat next to him, handing him the mug with a soft look in his eyes. He was trying his best not to push. “Do you, um,” he took a breath as Akaashi took a sip of his tea. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He didn’t say anything for a second, then, “It’s actually kind of stupid,” he chuckled sadly, his thumb tracing the rim of the mug. “I’m a law student,” he shook his head, ridiculing the notion. “Every single person in my family is a lawyer. My mom, my dad, my cousins, my uncles—all of them. Hell, if pets could be lawyers, my parents would probably hire them into the family firm, too!” He joked bitterly. “I double majored in Fine Art without telling my parents. My first real act of rebellion against my parents. My first ‘fuck you’!” He bit his lip. “They’ve always controlled me, you know? From the beginning. They decided what clubs I did before and after school, they decided who I could be friends with, I had tutors over every goddamn day trying to shape me to be this perfect, disciplined student so that one day I could take my place next to my father but then they made the big mistake of sending me to art classes,” he took another sip of his drink. “I’ll never forget the day I told my father I wanted to be a painter and he threw my sketches back at me,” he gritted his teeth. “I think that was the last time I talked to my family about my aspirations.”

Bokuto stayed silent. He didn’t really have anything to say, but in his mind, he was _pissed._

“Until today, that is,” Akaashi huffed, belittling himself without even trying to. “I decided that the day I turned nineteen was the day I would finally tell my parents I was going to drop law to pursue art,” he smiled, looking up at Bokuto but not actually making eye contact, tears in his eyes. “And they gave me two options, either drop law and be locked out of the family fortune and be essentially shunned as an Akaashi, _or_ they would allow me to continue with my double major as long as I excelled at all of my law classes and didn’t drop the standard,” he licked his lips. “It’s not as bad as I expected, except, law brings me nothing but stress and sucks the joy out of everything I do. I hate it. And I hate my parents for making me the way that I am,” his voice cracked. “I hate myself for being so dependant on them.” 

They talked for a little longer—or rather, Akaashi talked and Bokuto got angrier and angrier at his parents—until they found themselves lying next to each other on Bokuto’s bed, much closer than either expected to be and cozy under the covers. Akaashi staring up at the ceiling, tears slowly rolling out of his eyes, left unseen and Bokuto curled up on his side, facing him. There was silence for a bit, they’d both assumed the other had gone to sleep.

Akaashi spoke out in a whisper before drifting off to sleep.

“I think I may be falling for you a little too fast.”

Bokuto felt his heart burst out of his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thanks for reading! i have now made a twitter AND an instagram, so if anyone wants to be buds then follow me !! @owlboii4
> 
> love you all!


	8. breakfast cookies

Bokuto woke up to an empty bed.

It’s not like he’d slept _much_ , after what he heard Akaashi say the night before, Bokuto was anything but relaxed enough to sleep. It was probably 5AM by the time he managed to shut his eyes, but at that point Akaashi was still sleeping next to him, so where could he have gone? Maybe he was in the bathroom. Bokuto waited for him to come back, his gaze flicking from his ceiling to his door, trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing—but then half an hour passed and Bokuto started to get worried. Maybe Akaashi felt weird about what happened last night and he left? Bokuto hoped not.

He decided to get up. He was getting restless in bed alone, and the tidy side next to him was freaking him out a little too much. 

Rubbing his eyes and stretching out with a giant yawn, Bokuto found himself in the common room when his ears perked up. Voices coming from the kitchen, Kuroo and Akaashi! 

Oh no.

_Kuroo_ and Akaashi.

Bokuto dropped his hands from his face and stared off at the two boys who helped themselves to the cookies he’d baked last night and were sharing a laugh. “Right?” Kuroo exclaimed. “So this kid runs to his mom with his collar bone _sticking out_ of his chest and Bo just laughed, obviously thinking it was a joke—I mean we were, like, ten? And this kid is _really_ crying but Kotarou thought it would be a good idea to chase after him,” he laughed. “As soon as he saw the blood, he passed out. Like, for real,” he held up his arm and hand straight and then dropped it ninety degrees. “You know, like in cartoons? He was out cold,” Akaashi chuckled at the story, cringing a little bit at the details, while Kuroo enjoyed himself and shared everything he could remember from that _traumatising_ day in Bokuto’s life.

“Okay, you know what,” Bokuto laughed, just glad to see Akaashi was doing better this morning, though he was kind of disappointed to see he’d changed back into his own clothes. “It was _gruesome_ , like, worse than those horror movies you used to force me to watch when we were kids, so _excuse me_ , for being caught by surprise, I just wasn’t used to seeing bones outside a kid’s body!” He pulled down his eye and stuck out his tongue as Kuroo burst out laughing. “Sue me!” 

Bokuto picked up a cookie. “These are great by the way,” Kuroo munched. “When did you become a baker?” 

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” Bokuto flushed a little bit. “So I went to Tendou’s and basically stole is cookie mix,” he paused, he hoped he didn’t sound like he was lying. It was a half-truth. It worked. “I never said either of you could have any, _by the way_ ,” he narrowed his eyes and pointed half his cookie at both of the boys.

“Oh but we knew you’re such an amazing friend that there’s no way you wouldn’t have shared!”

The owl boy rolled his eyes. “I miss Kawa-san, he’s the only one who can keep you in check,” he took a bite of his cookie and then with a mouthful he said, “OH! And Kenma, did you leave your owner at his dorm room or is he gonna pop by again today?” Kuroo didn’t appreciate Bokuto calling Kenma his owner but he accepted it anyway.

“No, I was actually telling Keiji, here,” Kuroo earned a very, _very_ surprised look from Bokuto, who was not expecting them to be on first-name basis. Akaashi seemed unfazed, just watching while quietly eating his cookie. “Ken-Ken and I are gonna go ice skating with Tooru and Iwaizumi tomorrow afternoon, I was wondering if you two wanted to join us?” Kuroo winked making Bokuto’s chest tighten a little bit. He looked at Akaashi.

“I told him I would ask you first,” he smiled softly. His hair was messy this morning, his curls were fluffed up and much more unruly than usual and his face was pale for the most part, except for his nose, which was pink and a little shiny. Bokuto felt all fluttery and warm while he was looking at him—little did he know that Akaashi was feeling the same exact way looking at the taller boy. “What do you think?” He sounded a little hopeful, Bokuto wondered if he remembered saying those words last night. He wondered if he was supposed to hear them.

_I think I may be falling for you a little too fast._

Bokuto thought this is what heart palpitations must feel like. _Maybe I’m having a heart attack_ , he thought, then Kuroo started waving a hand in front of his face. “Uh, hello? Earth to Kotarou?” He huffed. “What’s wrong with you this morning?” Is what he asked but his eyes were saying, _oh I know what’s wrong with you this morning_ , his mouth set to an almost permanent smirk that Bokuto was fighting the urge to smack off his face.

“Ah! Yeah, sorry, sure! Let’s do it!” Bokuto said in his signature cheerful tone, gleaming a smile towards Akaashi who looked happier by the minute.

Kuroo picked up his phone. “Alright, amazing, I’ll tell Kenma you’ll be joining us,” he threw up a peace sign. “In the meantime I need a shower. If you’re still here when I come out, then I’ll see you later, if not, then I’ll catch you tomorrow, Keiji-kun!” And just like that, the tall rooster boy disappeared into the bathroom. Bokuto stared down at his cookie for a second, not quite sure what to say, so he was surprised when Akaashi didn’t miss a beat.

“Did you sleep okay?” Akaashi asked, his eyes strangely light this morning.

Bokuto gave him a sheepish smile. “Yeah, I guess so,” he chuckled breathily. He didn’t want to tell Akaashi that he was up all night thinking about something he wasn’t even sure he was meant to hear. “I should be asking _you_ that, was my bed okay?” Bokuto tried to shift the attention off of himself. “I am told that I take up too much space when I sleep.”

Akaashi smiled. “No, not at all, you were the perfect companion,” he said, a little quietly, his eyes not really catching Bokuto’s but making him happy nonetheless. “So, listen—“

“Did you want to—“ they both started at the same time. Bokuto really hoped the cheesy, clichéd movie tropes would end soon because his heart couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe it was the universe trying to make up for all the crap it put him through most of his childhood. Bokuto thought it improbable, but maybe a little happiness couldn’t hurt. “You go,” he motioned towards the smaller boy.

“Ah, yeah, um…” he scratched the back of his neck. “I wanted to take you to lunch, to um… thank you, for last night.” 

Bokuto swallowed really hard, trying to get his body to react normally to Akaashi’s request. _A date? Is this a date? Are we going on a date?_ Bokuto felt like he was about to short-circuit. He cleared his throat, his face stretched out in joy, eyes wide and mouth open. “Y-yes, sure,” he squeaked. “Though you really don’t have anything to thank me for, that’s—“ _what friends are for_ , is what he was about to say. “—what I’m here for!” Akaashi gleamed.

“Alright then,” he sighed with content. “I guess I’ll go back to the apartment, take a shower and change into some better clothes,” he looked like he was about to lean in and do something but he stopped himself with a halt and wide eyes. “I’ll text you the address?” 

And just like that, Akaashi was gone.

As soon as he was out the door and down the hallway, Bokuto ran to the bathroom and started pounding at the door, until a very wet, very naked Kuroo opened the door with a huff. “I really hope you’re getting murdered and I’m your only salvation because there is _no reason_ you should be rushing me right now,” his eyebrows were drawn down and he had a small pout on his face. “I’ve only been in here for ten minutes, use the other bathroom!” 

Bokuto waved his hands at him. “I think I just got asked out,” he squeaked. 

Kuroo held up one finger. “Give me a second,” and disappeared back into the bathroom. After two minutes, the shower was off and Kuroo was dry and dressed, his hair still dripping, sitting in front of his best friend, ready to get the details. If you took a picture of them right now it would be hard to guess that they were freaking out about a boy like two teenage girls. “Okay so first of all, why was he here last night? Did you two…?” Kuroo pressed his two index fingers together, making Bokuto slap them down.

“ _No_ , we did none of that,” he rolled his eyes.

Kuroo shrugged. “Sorry, Kenma said he was wearing you clothes so I just assumed,” he motioned for his friend to go ahead.

“Yeah, because yesterday he was in complete panic-mode,” Bokuto explained. “Like, I found him crying in the rain, and at first I thought it was just exhaustion but then I found out this whole thing about his parents—“

“Abusive?” Kuroo asked. Bokuto shook his head. “Dead?” Bokuto shook his head again. “They abandoned him?” He asked again, making Kotarou shake his head again. “What was wrong with them then?” 

Bokuto chewed on the inside of his cheek. “From what I gathered they’re _really_ controlling over him,” he replied. 

“Nothing like yours, then,” Kuroo winked, his friend kicked him. “Too soon, still? Sorry.” 

“Anyway, so he was _really_ crying and freaking out about this whole dinner thing and he ended up crashing here,” he paused. “ _Twice_.” Kuroo gasped. “The farthest we got was cuddling, but even then, I wouldn’t say there was anything, like, romantic about it?”

Kuroo considered this for a second. “Do it to me,” he said. 

“What?”

“What you did with Keiji, do it to me,” he cleared. “That way we’ll know if it was just a _friends_ thing or if it was a _you and Akaashi_ thing.”

“Smart.” 

Bokuto directed Kuroo as to where to put his head, his wet hair soaking Bokuto’s sweatpants, but neither of the two were really paying attention to notice. Bokuto put his hand in Kuroo’s hair, similar to what he did with Akaashi but much more awkward. The two of them sat in silence for a second and then suddenly they flinched away from each other. “No way, bro, that was definitely a romantic thing,” Kuroo half-whispered. “Like, _super_ intimate—I mean, I love you, bro, but I wouldn’t do that with you on a regular afternoon, not even if someone _died_.” 

The owl boy grasped his chest. “Bro that shit kinda hurted,” he whined playfully. “You wouldn’t cuddle me like that?”

“Nah, bro, I’m sorry,” he laughed. “I’ll spoon you, but that’s as far as I’ll go.”

“Let me be little spoon?”

“Of course, dude, how heartless do you think I am?”

Kuroo wasn’t much help when it came to picking out clothes for Bokuto to wear. To be fair, Bokuto’s entire wardrobe consisted of mainly sweatshirt, sweatpants and workout clothes. He was a comfortable man, and his main passion in life was volleyball, could you blame him? Kuroo sighed. “We’re going to my room.” 

Needless to say, Bokuto had never been so well-dressed in his life. It wasn’t fancy or formal, but it was pretty enough to be worn in an art gallery. “Damn, bro, when do you ever get to wear this stuff?” Bokuto asked as he checked himself out in the mirror. He was wearing slacks under a knitted sweater and a collared button-up. “Ooh, I actually own a pair of shoes that would go well with this!” Bokuto exclaimed. “I’m not a failure!”

“Oh, thank God, I couldn’t have you going out in—“ Bokuto walked back in wearing black Converse. “—Converse.”

Bokuto ran in front of the mirror again. “I look so _good_! You should help me get dressed more often!” 

“The only suit you own is my one from prom that I let you borrow for graduation,” Kuroo sighed. “We should get you a new wardrobe completely and throw out whatever you own.”

Bokuto pouted. “Hey, you know I have no money!”

His tone was joke-y but it made Kuroo frown. He didn’t say anything.

Akaashi texted him about an hour later, sending him the location.

**[akaashikeiji5]** _Hope you’re hungry!_

That may have been the most emotion Bokuto had ever seen him put into a message. Growth? Maybe. Avoidance? Probably.

When he arrived at the place, Bokuto was glad it wasn’t some fancy restaurant that served tiny food. He could see from outside that it was a picturesque place, a wall covered by a huge library and filled with books facing towards the food display where you could decide what to put into your sandwich and paintings all over the walls. Akaashi was sitting at a table in the corner of the small sandwich shop, a book in hand with glasses sliding down to the tip of his nose. Bokuto wanted to take a picture of him like that. Unwatched and unbothered, completely calm. He was so different from Bokuto. He didn’t really think about it often but it was times like these that Bokuto realised they were from completely opposite worlds. 

Akaashi was refined and well-taught. He was quiet and studious and very observant. Bokuto admired the way in which he held himself and spoke so diplomatically, but he couldn’t help but compare himself to everything he was not. Bokuto was sharp-edges and rough, he was playful and loud and being awkward was just another charming thing about him—but Bokuto wasn’t built for a world Akaashi existed in. And while conversation between the two of them flowed so easily and he was finally starting to find himself as an equal with the other boy, Bokuto’s mind couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that Akaashi was just using him as a way to escape his world for a little bit and that maybe one day he would get bored and toss him aside.

_Fuck you, mom,_ Bokuto thought to himself, his heart in his throat. _You gave me too many abandonment issues and now I can’t deal with them._

The grey-and-black haired boy took a step back and took one last glance at the sandwich shop before pulling out his phone.

**[owlboi4]** _sorry, Kaash-kun, something came up and I’m not gonna be able to make it today >:(_

_**[owlboi4]** next time!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, yes, i know you all want akaashi to clear the air! i'm sorry, it's coming! trust me !


	9. boys on ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!! it's so crazy to me that i only started writing this five days ago! 
> 
> i don't even know where this fic is set anymore - anyway please enjoy this chapter!

Akaashi felt a little off about being ditched last minute, but he decided he wasn’t gonna think about it today.

He’d been avoiding Sugawara’s worried looks and questions, putting everything off with a smile. After all, he was a shiny, new nineteen year old and he wasn’t going to let that get ruined by his parents or anyone else. When he came back from his empty lunch yesterday, he couldn’t deny he’d been a little disappointed, and he was sure Suga could see it on his face, but as if blessed by the heavens, he didn’t ask about it. He came home, smiled his way through the conversation with his roommates, brushed his teeth and then crashed until the following morning.

Being happy for someone else’s sake really was _exhausting_.

Nevertheless, today he was going ice skating for the first time in years and not only that, he was going ice skating with _Bokuto_. Yes, that’s right, the boy he was hardcore crushing on. Akaashi was determined to make today one of the most film-like, cliched days of his life. He was picturing them ice skating gracefully on the ice, sharing some food under the moonlight and laughing together. Maybe they would hold hands. Akaashi was excited.

“Alright, I’m going now!” He beamed. Suga, who was in the kitchen making himself and Kiyoko a sandwich, watched him with furrowed brows.

“Where exactly _are_ you going?” The grey haired boy asked. 

Akaashi gave out a breath through his nostrils, zipping up his coat. “Ice skating,” he turned to open the door and was met by the boy with the shaved head, Tanaka Ryu, who had his hand up as if he were just about to knock. “Hey, Tanaka-san!” 

The other boy smiled widely. “Hey, ‘Kaashi!” He gave him a fist bump and then Keiji was on his merry way to the agreed-upon meeting place. 

When he got there, Bokuto barely looked at him. 

Well, he looked up and waved, but Akaashi felt as if he were being shaken off. He tried not to show his disappointed as he talked to Kuroo, but the entire time they were walking together, Akaashi’s attention was on Bokuto who was having an extremely lively conversation with Oikawa Tooru, a boy he’d never met before and was yet to be introduced to properly. As if he’d just read his mind, Oikawa elbowed the owl boy in the ribs and turned to Akaashi with a laugh. “I have heard _so much_ about him and I am _not_ disappointed!” He said, almost flirtatiously, Bokuto pulled his arm. “You really are as pretty as they say!” 

“Stop flirting Kawa-san,” Bokuto said playfully, his eye catching Akaashi for a moment and then quickly looking away. _What the hell did I do?_

Oikawa pulled his eye. “You’re no fun,” he turned back to Akaashi, who was just glad he wasn’t being ignored anymore. “What’s your major?”

He gulped. “Fine Art.” Bokuto didn’t say anything, he just started walking quietly, looking down at the ground and kicking a rock. “You?”

“Tooru is a basic bitch,” Kuroo laughed. “He’s a Literature major, like a nerd.”

Oikawa scoffed. “Says the _biochemical engineer_ ,” he stuck out his tongue.

“While I’ll be finding the cure for cancer, you’ll be reading _books_ ,” Kuroo crossed his arms over his chest. “I really don’t see the insult.” Bokuto opened his mouth. “Nope, don’t even get me started on you!”

Bokuto’s face dropped. “Hey! I didn’t even say anything,” he frowned. “Kinesiology is an important major—I get to learn about muscles and stuff!"

“ _And stuff_ ,” Oikawa quoted. “I still wonder how you got into university, do you even go to your lectures?” Bokuto punched his arm, but when he saw Oikawa’s face, he ran off ahead while Tooru chased him. “Come back here you, dumbass!” 

Akaashi smiled, chuckling at the sight of the two. His confidence faltering every passing moment that Bokuto pulled away. “He’s a little bit of a mess, you know?” Kuroo said quietly, walking beside him. He sounded a little serious and it took Akaashi a moment to realise he was talking about Bokuto. “He’s not had the _easiest_ life, it takes him a while to—“ he sighed, Akaashi watched him carefully, his breath hitched. “Well, it’s not my story to tell,” he paused. “But bare with him, he’s trying his best.”

The smile on Kuroo’s face scared Akaashi a little bit. It was filled with much more than just sympathy. It was years of being by Bokuto’s side and knowing his pain. He didn’t know if he was ready to find out about that side of the owl boy’s past. He was afraid it would make him see him differently. Maybe that’s why Bokuto hadn’t said anything. Akaashi just hoped that whenever he found out, he could be just as supportive as Bokuto had been to him. If only he were good at emotions.

When they got to the ice rink, Akaashi realised the whole thing was part of a Christmas market. There were stalls and carts selling handmade, Christmas-themed candles and toys and food, everything was decorated with twinkling lights and shining stars, it may have been very cold but Akaashi had never felt so warm, if only he could get Bokuto to look at him, to stand next to him, to _hold_ him.

Yearning. That’s what this feeling was. And it hurt a little bit. He felt as if his chest was pulling to him, like a magnet but the closer he got, the further Bokuto pulled away and Akaashi didn’t understand why. He started to wonder if it was about the other night, if his opinion of him had changed because of the way he’d expressed his emotions. Maybe he’d thought he was pathetic for crying about something so stupid, but Akaashi knew that wasn’t something that he would do. Or at least he didn’t think so.

He took a breath, steadying himself. He wasn’t going to give up that fast.

The boys approached a bench where Kenma and another boy Akaashi had never met were sitting next to each other in silence. Akaashi’s old roommate’s eyes were glued to his video games while the other boy looked like he was drowning in the amount of layers he was wearing, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his collar covering him all the way up to his nose. Akaashi caught Oikawa smile softly before approaching him and leaning down to meet the other boy’s eyes. “You cold, Iwa-chan?” 

The boy with the spike-y hair huffed. “I don’t like winter.”

“Lucky for you it’s unavoidable and happens every year,” Kenma said sarcastically, not looking up from his game. “Get used to it already, you’re such a wimp.”

Oikawa giggled while the other boy gave him a death glare. “Iwa-chan, this is Bokuto’s date, Akaashi Keiji,” Oikawa introduced, making Bokuto tense up visibly and Akaashi’s heart beat a hundred times faster. “Akaashi-kun, this is Iwaizumi Hajime, he’s a bit of a grump.” 

Iwaizumi nodded in Akaashi’s direction and he just smiled back awkwardly. Bokuto slapped Kuroo on the back. “I’ll race you!” He challenged loudly. “Whoever gets into the rink first wins.” 

“Oh you’re _so on_!” Kuroo exclaimed, then he looked at Kenma. “You coming, Ken-Ken?” 

“No,” he muttered making Kuroo sigh.

Then, pushing each other like children, the two childhood friends ran into the skates booth. Akaashi and Oikawa shared a look, Tooru gave him a tired smile. “Yes, they’re always like this,” he turned his attention back to Iwaizumi and stuck his hand out, his face filled with nothing but love, even an emotionless idiot like Akaashi could see that. “Let’s go, Iwa-chan,” the other boy examined his hand for a second and then his expression softened and he pulled a hand out of his pocket to grasp onto Oikawa’s. He kissed it and then rubbed it with his other hand. “You really can’t handle the cold, can you?” 

“Shut up, Loser-Kawa,” he growled. Oikawa just laughed.

“You coming, Akaashi?” He turned back to look at Akaashi who was watching them, a little bit of jealousy creeping inside him. He just nodded, walking slowly behind the two boys that walked hand in hand in front of him. He gave one last glance to Kenma who was unbothered and still sitting at the bench playing with whatever he was playing and he headed into the skates booth.

Since it was a Monday afternoon, the outdoor rink wasn’t as crowded as Akaashi was expecting. There were a couple of families taking it slow on the sides, but mostly, it had enough space for Kuroo and Bokuto to be racing each other up and down the rink without hitting anyone or getting into anyone’s way. “If either of you get hurt, I don’t wanna hear about it!” Oikawa shouted toward them, just as Kuroo and Bokuto were turning a corner, Kuroo grasped onto the railing to steady himself while Bokuto gave out a sly laugh as he took the lead and skated ahead. 

Akaashi watched it happen as Iwaizumi and Oikawa slowly skated out onto the ice, Iwaizumi instantly losing balance. The quiet boy couldn’t exactly hear what they were saying to each other but Oikawa was laughing and Iwaizumi’s face was set to a scowl as he grasped onto Oikawa’s arm for dear life. Akaashi could also see Kenma from this angle. He’d moved from the bench and he was now leaning over the railing and watching Kuroo as he had fun with his friend. 

Just as Akaashi stepped on the ice, he heard a yelp coming from the other side of the rink, followed by Kuroo spouting out “are you okay”s in between fits of laughter. Akaashi’s body moved before his brain processed what had happened and he rushed over, skating gracefully and squatting down to meet Bokuto’s eyes. 

He was slowly sitting up, his hand rubbing at his elbow, when he opened his eyes and found that Akaashi’s eyes weren’t actually blue they were a silver kind of colour, metallic but strong and half lidded as usual. Bokuto’s short laugh and embarrassment turned into a loss for words, he shook himself out of it. “I’m fine, I’m fine, just a little bruised!” He reassured them, trying not to look at Akaashi.

The two boys helped him get up and Bokuto flinched when Kuroo grabbed his elbow to help him up. “Bro, are you okay?” 

“Yeah, um, I should be fine,” the took a breath through his teeth. 

Kuroo cringed. “Maybe you wanna get that checked, doesn’t your training camp start tomorrow?” He asked, Bokuto nodded. “You don’t wanna start off injured and risk getting benched.”

“Aw, this _sucks_!” Bokuto sighed, still grasping onto his arm.

Akaashi smiled at him. “I took a first aid class last semester,” he said as they brought Bokuto to the exit. “I can check it for you, make sure it’s just a bruise!”

Before Bokuto could protest, Kuroo grinned a toothy smile. “Perfect, you two do that and I’m gonna show off my _amazing_ skills to my boyfriend over there who thinks I can’t see him watching!” He gave them a thumbs up and a wink. “Have fun!” 

The two of them walked quietly towards a bench just to the side of the rink exit, behind a couple of trees. Bokuto sat down first, huffing, probably disappointed that he wasn’t able to skate anymore and Akaashi followed suit, turning his body towards the owl boy with a smile. “Can you roll up your sleeve or do you wanna take off your coat?” He asked. Bokuto didn’t reply, he just slowly slid his arm out of his sleeve, still leaving the coat hanging on his shoulder. Her rolled up his hoodie sleeve to just above his elbow. Akaashi tried not to take offence in the fact that Bokuto wasn’t even trying anymore, his tone stayed the same. “I’d say you might need an ice pack but this cold may just be enough,” he joked, Bokuto held back a smile, his eyebrows furrowed as Akaashi examined his arm.

He stood up quickly, his elbow hurting as he pulled down his sleeve and put his coat back on. “You know, I think I’m fine, we should get back to the others—“

“Did I do something?”

“Huh?”

“Did I do something?” He asked again, standing up slowly but not looking at him. “Because if I did something, I’d appreciate it if you just came right out and said it.” 

Akaashi’s tone was flat and bitter. Bokuto swallowed. “I’m not…”

“You know I’ve been trying to figure it out, not say anything because maybe you’re just different around your friends,” Akaashi said breathily. “But it’s hard for me to understand how such a kind-hearted, patient and funny person could turn into such a _dick_ such a little amount of time!” He finally looked up. “Yesterday we were fine, we were close, we were comfortable. Today you’ve treated me like nothing more than a stranger and now I sound like a girl throwing a tantrum,” he fisted his hands at the sides of his body. “Is it because I cried? Do you not know how to talk to me now, is that it? Do you think I’m just so pathetic that you don’t like me anymore?” He paused. Bokuto looked bewildered. “Tell me! Because I’m sick and tired of being pushed around.”

Bokuto was silent for a second. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, a sad, heavy, _beautiful_ smile on his face. “And you've got it wrong,” he swallowed, his entire body holding back tremors, his shoulders tense. He walked up to Akaashi, whose eyes were wide and breath was heavy, and he brought his uninjured arm up, cupping his face with his hand and Akaashi subconsciously leaned into his touch. “I like you _so fucking much_ ,” he said, his voice barely audible. There was fear in his voice, Akaashi wasn’t quite sure what he was afraid of but he knew for a fact that it was there. Mixed in with the only voice Akaashi ever felt comfort in. He couldn’t help but spot the tinge of bitter irony in that fact.

Akaashi had watched his fair share of romantic comedies. He’d felt the feelings they felt through the characters, he’d watched every cliched scenario and cried over every big kiss at the end. He thought that since he was so bad at love, this would’ve been enough. He didn’t need his own because he’d watched so many others, why deal with the real stress of a relationship when you can watch a perfect one on screen?

This feeling was so, _so_ much better.

“Then kiss me you coward,” Akaashi breathed, his voice cracking and he got it. That moment he only saw in the movies. That moment he secretly yearned for. The moment that was just so perfect he never wanted it to leave. Bokuto’s golden eyes lit up, his face surprised because he realised, this time, Akaashi’s face was tilted up to look at him and he _could_ feel his breath on his face. Their noses were barely touching, the air between them cold and hungry, tense and furious, it was a moment that both of them had been tiptoeing around for a month now. Everything had happened so fast, neither of them knew if they were truly ready but when Bokuto dipped down and connected their lips, everything faded away, all the thoughts and fears and negativity, all of it was gone.

Neither of them wanted to say it but the world felt as if it had stopped spinning, as if time had disappeared and the only thing that existed was the two of them. _This is so cheesy_ , Bokuto thought to himself. His body had a mind of its own, his lips colliding with Akaashi both softly and hungrily. There was urgency in their movements, Akaashi had moved his hands up onto the nape of his neck, his thumbs slowly grazing Bokuto’s slightly uneven but sharp jawline, their breaths unsteady. Bokuto smiled into the kiss, making Akaashi’s eyes open slowly to look at him.

_Him_. He. _Bokuto Kotarou._ The boy he’d met in the cafe he worked at, who had terrible handwriting and seemed giant in comparison despite only being an inch taller than Akaashi. This was the boy that hadn’t left his mind in a month. The boy who made him smile and made him feel comfortable. Maybe Akaashi understood why Bokuto was pulling away. This _was_ scary. How much power a person could have over you in such little time. But looking at him now, his eyes closed, his mouth smiling and his nose pressed against Akaashi’s… those fears seemed dismal compared to the mess that was happening in his stomach.

Their lips connected again, this time in a much slower way, a more lingering feeling, neither of them wanted to let go. Neither of them wanted to lose the other. Just as Bokuto was about to pull back, Akaashi bit his bottom lip lightly, keeping him in place and making him shiver. He let go but Bokuto stayed in place, their foreheads pressed against each other, their bodies tightly pushed together, Akaashi’s arms still around Bokuto’s neck and Bokuto’s hand still cupping Akaashi’s cheek.

Their shaking breaths synced for a moment, then Bokuto gave out a soft chuckle. “Now, why didn’t we do that from the _start_?” 


	10. snowed in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! before you read this chapter it would be really awesome if you could vote on [this poll](https://twitter.com/owlboii4/status/1304864679450288130?s=20) to help me choose who to write my next fic about! thanks for the help, enjoy!

Once the new year started, everything in Bokuto and Akaashi’s lives seemed to have fallen into place. Every Tuesday morning Akaashi had a yoga lesson that was in the same building as the gym where the volleyball team trained and since they finished at around the same time, they would have breakfast before Bokuto headed off to a pottery class and Akaashi went to the library to work on one of his essays. They’d seen each other every day for a month and their friends were starting to love calling them husbands. They were a little domestic, Akaashi had to admit, but he didn’t mind that at all—in fact, he embraced the idea. 

On this particular January morning most classes had been cancelled due to heavy snowfall, giving the boys a chance to sleep in.

Bokuto woke with Akaashi in his arms, their legs wrapped together and his head on his chest, he was still fast asleep, breathing steadily. His hair smelled like coconut, it was one of the highlights of waking up next to Akaashi. Just as the other boy had gotten used to wearing Bokuto’s hoodies to bed, Bokuto had gotten used to the rhythm of Akaashi’s breaths and the smell of his hair. It was a strange feeling, there was no pressure or expectations, just the two of them. Bokuto liked feeling important. Though, he’d been pushing away the feeling of not deserving this for so long that he was afraid he would burst. _Just breathe_.

The owl boy’s eyes focused on the white sky outside, the snow was falling, gathering up on his windowsill, no birds in the sky. It was so quiet, so still. 

Bokuto’s phone buzzed and he moved slowly to grab it without waking Akaashi.

_**[milk bread boy]** you awake?_

He frowned. There was something wrong.

**[bokkun the owl]** _yeah i am, what’s up?_

The text bubble appeared and disappeared for a few minutes.

**[milk bread boy]** i _wa and i got into an argument and he left._

Bokuto knew Oikawa was a sensitive person. He felt more than anyone, he got attached to people and he cared about them. He was an empathetic person who got his heart broken too many times because people never returned the love he gave. Bokuto kissed the top of Akaashi’s head, smiling when he saw his mouth was lightly open, and he moved him gently so that he could free himself from the comfort of his body heat. 

When Bokuto’s feet touched the ground, a shiver went through his entire body. He felt his muscles ache from the non stop practice these past few weeks, in preparation for the Spring Tournament Qualifiers and he stretched out his neck, trying to shake the sleep off himself. He yawned, his eyes hooded and sleepy. _God, ‘Kaash, I probably look like the softest boyfriend right now and you’re still asleep_ ,he glanced in the direction of the sleeping boy, _you’re missing out._

After chucking on a random hoodie that was thrown on a chair next to the door, Bokuto quietly headed out of his bedroom, seeing Oikawa instantly as he sat on the couch hugging a pillow. He wasn’t crying or showing any particular emotion, really, he was just staring at the floor _very_ intensely. Bokuto crouched down in front of him, trying to catch his gaze but Tooru’s eyes didn’t move. He barely even blinked. Bokuto put his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Hey,” he smiled. “You okay, bud?” 

“I saw him with some girl in the library yesterday,” Tooru said steadily. “I freaked out a little bit, which I think I had the right—anyway he got mad because _technically_ we’re not exclusive, which I didn’t explicitly know until last night—and he said he’s been seeing her for a couple weeks…” he paused, taking a breath. “I told him I wanted to be exclusive because I lo—and he got all quiet and stormed out into the snow.” 

Bokuto hadn’t really allowed himself to have an opinion on Iwaizumi Hajime. He was a sarcastic man with an intense face who could occasionally make some good jokes. Bokuto had watched him around Tooru, always stealing looks and getting flustered when he was taken care of or offered something. He was careful and jumpy around both Kotarou and Kuroo and he didn’t know how to act when either of them asked him questions or invited him to hang out with them. That fact never changed, no matter how long him and Oikawa had been together. Still, Bokuto didn’t want to judge, he didn’t want an opinion because all that mattered was that, for the most part, Tooru was happy and that was enough for the owl boy.

But today, Bokuto felt a little angry and he didn’t know if he was allowed to express that.

“I’m still kinda worried he’ll freeze to death out there, he wasn’t wearing a huge coat, I don’t want him to get hypothermia,” Tooru said quietly.

Bokuto bit the inside of his cheek. _Hypothermia wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world_. He didn’t say anything.

Oikawa dropped his face into his hands. “I’m so tired of feeling so helpless around him,” he sighed. “I know I want to be treated better but I’m so scared that when I ask he’ll get bored and leave. Which, I guess he did…” he finally looked at his friend. “Am I an idiot?”

“Generally, yes,” Kotarou smiled softly, rubbing his friend’s arm slightly. “But in this particular situation, you’re in the right, believe it or not.” 

While his friend talked and ranted, getting it all off his chest, Bokuto made him cocoa and sat besides him, just listening and trying not to judge too much, but he couldn’t deny he was a little pissed off at Iwaizumi for leading his friend on from the start. “I guess it may be my fault for getting attached, I mean he did say he didn’t like labels, but I just thought that meant he didn’t want to specify…” he huffed. “Oh, I don’t know!”

As Oikawa talked, Bokuto saw his own bedroom door open and a very sleepy Akaashi walk out, slightly rubbing his eyes, Bokuto’s jumper far too big for him but still the comfiest thing for the curly haired boy. Bokuto’s stomach did a flip and his heart warmed at the sight of him, but he tried not to change his face too much, for the sake of Oikawa—not that he’d notice, he was too in his own head to be properly aware of his surroundings. Akaashi pouted when he saw Bokuto, making the owl boy pat the seat on the couch next to him, summoning his boyfriend to his side. _My boyfriend. Boyfriend. My boy._

Akaashi pattered through the living room, becoming more aware of Oikawa’s hurt voice trying to make sense of the situation, the closer he got to the couch. He sat, his eyes a little worried, tucking his legs into his chest and grabbing Bokuto’s hand into his own silently. They gave each other a quick kiss, Bokuto still actively listening to Oikawa’s struggles and Akaashi set his head on Bokuto’s shoulder.

“He should’ve at least told you he was seeing other people,” Bokuto agreed. “I mean, if it’s an open relationship, then why keep it a secret, right?” His thumb was rubbing Akaashi’s hands as the other boy shut his eyes again, drifting off on his shoulder.

“Right! That’s what I’m saying!” He groaned. “And I said that and then I just… I found myself giving him an ultimatum,” he chewed on his lip. “I told him that _I_ wanted to be exclusive and if he didn’t then he should just—“ his eyes met Bokuto’s suddenly filled with worry. “Then he left.”

That’s around the time Kuroo and Kenma woke up, both of them walking out of Kuroo’s bedroom, nothing in Kenma’s hands, his eyes half shut and his hair tied in a loose ponytail. Kuroo had a very content look on his face, his slightly puffy eyes were creased at the sides from the smile on his face. “Good morning!” He beamed, Kenma just nodded his head in the general direction of the other people in the room. “Woah, why are we so gloomy this morning?”

Oikawa was still for a second and then he screamed into a pillow.

“Iwaizumi was with another girl and when Kawa-san said something about it, he left,” Bokuto whispered, loudly.

“I can hear you.”

“Sorry,” Bokuto scrunched up his face. “It’s been a tough morning,” then he looked over at Akaashi who was napping on his shoulder, a small smile on his face. “Could you make him some coffee?” He asked Kuroo who gave him a thumbs up.

“Three coffees and a tequila shot coming up!” 

“Kuroo-san, don’t tempt me, I _will_ drink at 10AM,” Tooru frowned making Kenma scoff out what sounded like a laugh.

He sat cross-legged next to Oikawa, his eyes not really meeting the taller boy. “Not that I care, but,” Kenma muttered. “Do you want me to call my idiot step-brother?” 

Kenma and Oikawa had developed a strange relationship over the past few months. It wasn’t that they spoke to each other much but they _got_ each other in a strange way. Oikawa for some reason had gotten into the habit of bringing Kenma drinks or snacks at specific moments because he could sense him getting peckish. The only time Kenma openly laughed was when Oikawa made a joke or said something that amused him. The two of them could communicate in only looks and it was something Kuroo found very strange and was a little jealous of.

Oikawa looked at the blond boy, his smile soft and his eyes thankful and he brought a hand up to the top of his head. “I think I need to be the one handling this one,” he said sadly. “But thank you.” 

Kenma shook him off with a half blush. “Whatever,” he looked down, fiddling with his hands. 

The boys spent the rest of the morning trying to cheer Oikawa up; they had snacks and drinks and played all the board games he’d brought from home in first year. Monopoly wasn’t the _best_ idea but it sure made both Kenma and Akaashi very happy to see the three roommates get so pressed at each other every time they had to pay rent for a property or got sent to jail. Bokuto kept shouting and sulking every time someone told him he couldn’t roll again and he ended up almost losing all of his money because Kuroo managed to buy all of the red and yellow properties within the first twenty minutes of the game, while Oikawa angrily claimed the rooster-boy had been cheating the whole time from jail for three consecutive turns. Kenma was barely trying, his attention half turned to his phone but turning around when people started shouting, just so he could drop in some sarcastic comments, while Akaashi had to spend every turn after Bokuto’s reassuring him that he _wasn’t_ the worst Monopoly player in the world. 

It was chaos but it was happy. 

At around 2PM Kuroo decided him and Kenma were going to cook something together since he’d gone food shopping yesterday and he thought he was up to the task. Kenma groaned and complained but let himself be dragged to the kitchen and still rolled up his sleeves while cutting up the carrots like Kuroo asked him to. “Please don’t burn the apartment down,” Tooru asked. “I won’t hesitate to report you to the authorities for attempted murder.”

“You can’t report me to the police if my attempt succeeded!” Kuroo sang from the kitchen.

Oikawa was at the table playing a solitaire with his chin on the cool surface and his arms stretched out in front of him, cards in hand. “Playing a solitaire online is so much easier,” he huffed. “You don’t have to be the one to reshuffle the deck once you’ve run out of moves, the app just does it for you.” 

Bokuto and Akaashi had turned on the TV and they’d landed on a random film neither of them had seen before. “God, daytime TV sucks,” Akaashi observed.

“Yeah, I don’t understand,” Bokuto replied, getting a little too into the ‘bad’ film they were watching. “If she thinks her mom may have had an affair with his dad then why is she still pursuing him? I don’t get it, I mean y’all could be _related_ , that doesn’t bother you at all?” He sounded annoyed, making Akaashi laugh a little bit. His head was on Bokuto’s lap while he was mindlessly playing with his curls. “Oh, _come on_ , don’t make me laugh, there is _no way_ she would let you do that!” He shouted at the TV. “That’s so stupid! Stop it! Stop kissing him he could be your brother!” He groaned. “Aw come on, that’s disgusting.”

The afternoon went by, Kuroo and Kenma’s food was actually not bad but Bokuto guessed it was probably because Kenma ended up taking the lead halfway through when he realised Kuroo had no idea what he was doing. “I miss when my mom cooked for me everyday,” Tooru said, taking another mouthful of the food in front of him.

“Yeah, Kuroo’s mom would make _the_ best food,” Bokuto smiled. “Highlight of my day was finding out what was in my lunchbox.”

Akaashi’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Bokuto barely ever talked about his childhood so Akaashi didn’t really know much other than the fact that he didn’t really get along with his mom. Before he could ask anything, Kuroo laughed. “Yeah, she really liked the surprise value of every lunch box,” he remembered. “Though she took April Fools a little _too_ seriously.”

Bokuto’s smile widened and he gave out a chuckle. “Hey! That one year when she made gummy bear pasta wasn’t actually half bad!”

“Are you kidding?” Oikawa almost choked. “You threw up for almost an hour, we thought you were gonna die!”

Kuroo’s eyes widened. “Yeah, my mom wasn’t actually expecting you to eat it, that’s why she also packed us the extra nigiri,” he took another bite of his food.

“Okay, but it wasn’t bad going down,” he tried to salvage himself. “I mean, it’s not my fault my body rejected it.”

Once they were all done with their food, Bokuto and Akaashi offered to do the dishes while the other three boys crashed on the couch and picked a film for all of them to watch together. “Shit, I just remembered I have to get started on a group project with those idiots in my class,” Oikawa slapped himself on the forehead.

“I still don’t understand why you picked that group instead of—“

“I was not about to join Ushiwaka’s group,” Oikawa warned. “And trust me, I’m already getting texts from him showing his group’s progress, telling me I should’ve just joined them…” he paused. “I still don’t know how he got my number.”

Kuroo looked away with a laugh, knowing very well that he was the one who gave Ushijima Wakatoushi his roommate’s number. 

Just as Bokuto and Akaashi were done with the dishes, there was a knock on their door. Bokuto looked over at his friends with a half serious look on his face. “How much do you wanna bet it’s Tendou trying to prank us again,” he chuckled, opening the door. 

His eyes landed on a very cold, very red, very tired Iwaizumi Hajime. “Can I come in?” 

When Kuroo heard his voice, he almost bolted to Bokuto’s side, both of their faces dark and threatening. “It’s funny you even think we want to _see_ you right now,” Kuroo’s voice was deep and mocking. “What is it, did you forget your socks or something?”

Oikawa stood up slowly, catching Iwaizumi’s eyes instantly. He was frozen in place, nowhere to go.

“What? No, I need to talk to Tooru,” he huffed urgently, his entire body shaking. 

Bokuto turned to look at Oikawa and then over at Kuroo. “Dude, even if we don’t like him we should let him in because he looks like when Elsa froze Anna’s heart,” he whispered. “I don’t want a dead guy in our hallway.” 

Kuroo considered this for a second. “What are your intentions?” He asked, his eyebrows raised. 

“I—“ he decided to play along. “I want to explain myself.”

The boys looked at each other and then with a slight nod, they parted ways and let him in. Akaashi walked over with a blanket and helped him take off his wet jacket. “Here, take this,” he handed it to him, Iwaizumi thanked him.

“Speak, then, ‘Zumi-san,” Bokuto ordered while Kuroo nodded at his side. Oikawa was just watching.

Iwaizumi took a deep breath, trying to stop his body from shaking. “I thought about what you said, a lot,” he said. “And at first I was _pissed_ , you know? Because I said it, I said it from the beginning, I don’t do commitment,” his gaze was all over the place, desperately trying to find somewhere to look but feeling too intimidated. This was a weird version of the guy Bokuto had gotten to know for the past few months. He wasn’t sure if it was sweet or if it was a little pathetic. He didn’t say anything. “But then, hell I was walking outside in the snow, thinking about going back to my own apartment but I didn’t wanna be there or anywhere else that wasn’t with you.

The room went quiet as all of the other boys who weren’t involved looked around at each other. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you want to see other people—“

Bokuto’s phone started buzzing in his pocket, so he ignored the call, trying to pay attention to the drama but every few seconds it would start ringing again. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw an unfamiliar number, his eyebrows knotting together in confusion.

“No, but that’s the thing, it made me realise that the other people aren’t really anything to me,” he said. “So I broke it off. I broke it off with all of them.”

Bokuto walked over to his room, Akaashi’s eyes on him and he picked up his phone. 

“So you’re saying…” Oikawa said quietly as Bokuto’s shoulders tensed in the other room.

Iwaizumi smiled while Bokuto’s breath hitched. “I wanna be exclusive. Just me and you. I’d like you to be my b-boyfriend. Please. Um,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I’m not very good at this.”

Oikawa ran to Iwaizumi as Bokuto slowly walked out of his bedroom, phone in hand, his face pale as a ghost and his breathing shallow.

Kuroo smiled as he watched Oikawa and Iwaizumi kiss and make up and as he did a swoop of the room, his eyes fell on Bokuto and his heart instantly dropped. He recognised that look anywhere. “Bo?” He said, loudly enough to make the whole room freeze and turn towards him. “What’s wrong?”

“My mom…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only four more chapters to go!


	11. childhood stories

The last time Akaashi had heard from Bokuto was two weeks ago, he was packing a bag the day after they’d gotten snowed in and he would barely look at anyone in the eyes or say more than one coherent sentence at a time. He spent the morning muttering to himself and planning a trip back to his home town. Then, by the afternoon, he was gone, barely saying goodbye to any of them and only half reassuring Akaashi that he was going to be okay. Since that day, Akaashi’s messages had gone unanswered and calls ignored.

He didn’t know if he should be offended or worried.

He was a little bit of both.

When he knocked on the door of apartment 3B, he was greeted by a smiling Kuroo and a busy Oikawa who only turned to him with a peace-sign, “Yahoo!” He said quickly before running back into his room. “Kuroo did you pack your hairdryer? I don’t wanna bring mine,” he pouted.

Kuroo turned to his roommate and let Akaashi in. “I don’t even own a hairdryer,” he sounded offended.

Oikawa crossed his arms over his chest. “There is no way your hair does _that_ ,” he motioned towards him. “On it’s own.”

Kuroo patted his own head with a frown. “What brings you by again, Akaashi-kun?” Kuroo asked with a sigh. “Sorry about the mess we’re currently—“

“Going somewhere?” Akaashi felt like his heart was in his throat. “Have you heard from him? Is he okay?” Oikawa and Kuroo shared a strange look, gulping down what felt like the big secret everyone had been hiding. “You can tell me, I’m a big boy, you don’t need to protect me,” he said bitterly. The two boys were now standing next to each other, in front of him, both of their faces painted in emotions that Akaashi couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was somewhere around stress but Akaashi couldn’t be sure.

“We just…” Oikawa started.

“… don’t know if it’s our place to…” Kuroo looked down.

Akaashi gave out a giant sigh, something that felt like a restrained scream. “Are you guys being serious right now?” He said, exasperated. “You think I can live like this? It’s been _two weeks_ and I haven’t heard _one_ word from him. Not a hey, not an ‘ _I’m okay!’_ or even an _emoji_ and I’m sure we all know how many of those he sends on a daily basis!” He chewed on his lip. “It’s not that I don’t respect his privacy, it’s not that I don’t respect your values and friendships, trust me, I get it, _but I need to know_. I can’t spend another minute helplessly checking my phone or picturing the worst, I won’t! I don’t want to,” his voice was a little shaky but they still seemed like they needed convincing. “How would you feel like if it was Kenma? If you didn’t know where he was or how he was doing—or if it were Iwaizumi who hadn’t called you back in two weeks because he was dealing with trauma you didn’t even know about?” 

Kuroo and Oikawa shared a look and let out a breath. “Fine, but it’s long,” Tooru scratched his forehead, motioning towards the couch. “Maybe you wanna sit down.” 

So he did and he watched the boys fidget for a while while they whispered to each other about where to begin.

Kuroo was the first to speak. “Maybe the first thing you should know is that Kotarou’s dad left when he was still very young, maybe six or seven,” his eyes held an intense look in them, like this was a huge deal in Kuroo’s life, something that changed him drastically. “We lived in a small town so there was a lot of gossip and small-minded people and lots of things were said, but the main rumour was that his mom had been unfaithful and forced his dad out. Within a month of this getting out, his family was practically shunned and Bokuto and his family out, some people even went as far as to say he was the bastard child of a doomed relationship.”

Oikawa nodded slowly. “Our town wasn’t the most forgiving of places,” he sighed. “It was kind of like living in the seventeenth century, they took everything too seriously. People started rejecting Bokuto’s mom from every job she applied to and she was finding it really difficult to raise him, that’s why to this day, I don’t think Bokuto truly blames his mother for what she did.”

“When I first met him, he was running away from a group of bullies,” he chuckled breathily. Not exactly a happy sound, more nostalgic, a little tinged with pity. “He wasn’t scared, just outnumbered. His left eye was purple and swollen and his lip was bleeding but he still had a giant smile on his face,” Kuroo remembered that smile like the back of his hand. It was mischievous and fearless and his eyes were such a bright yellow. They pierced right through him and saw him for who he was. “Bokuto always says that I’m the one who saved him but I honestly think it’s the other way around. His clothes barely fit him, they were too big and hanging off his body, cuffed at the wrists and at the ankles and his black hair was spiked all the way up. He looked like a _badass_ , for the longest time I actually wanted to be him.”

“Jeez, Tetsu-kun, move on already,” Oikawa pushed his friend’s shoulder. “You sound like you’re in love with him.”

“Shut up, Tooru! I’m just giving all the details!” He laughed shortly before looking back at Akaashi whose eyes were hungry for more information. His heart was beating so fast, he felt like he was intruding or breaking Bokuto’s trust in some way but he _needed_ to know. It was unfair to keep him in the dark. “Right so I saw him and he asked me to cover for him as he got out of that alleyway but I decided it’d be better to follow him. Needless to say we were both chased all the way to my house, which was the closest,” he smiled. “When my mom saw him, she recognised him immediately but she didn’t say anything, she only asked if we were okay and cleaned up Kotarou’s face. He was a little quieter, then. He wasn’t really sure how he was supposed to act around my mom but he eased up in no time and that smile returned to his face.”

Oikawa interjected with a grin. “Bokuto never was the negative type,” he said. “I mean, sure, he is a terrible loser and gets discouraged _so fast_ when something went wrong, and _God_ was he the most frustrating wing spiker—every time he couldn’t land a spike or got blocked out he would sulk like a _baby_!” He laughed, Kuroo joining him. Akaashi found a small smile on his face thinking about a younger Bokuto playing volleyball with his best friends. “But when it came to his personal life, his problems, his fears, his parents—he never had a bad word. He took it with a smile. He didn’t cry about it too much or use it as an excuse, he just smiled and moved on.”

“I was his first friend,” Kuroo continued. “Which is insane to me because he was the coolest person I’d ever met—have I said that already?” Oikawa nodded. "He didn’t really have much growing up but he collected things. He had so many random things, from bottles to coins he’d find on the ground, he would draw on any bits of paper he could find and all over his bedroom walls. I never had a sibling but I’d always wished I did, I think in a weird way, Bokuto was the universe’s way of giving me a brother.”

“You’re so sappy,” Oikawa elbowed him. “Will you just finish your bit so I can start mine?”

“Yeah, fine, hang on,” Kuroo rolled his eyes. “So anyway, we became friends and my house became a little bit like a second home to Bokuto. At the time he was very close with his mom, he loved her more than anything and she was trying her absolute hardest to give her son the best shot he had. But she worked the night shift in the next town over, so she was barely home and when she was, Bokuto didn’t want to wake her up. It was a cruel curse,” Akaashi’s mouth was in a thin line, a lump rising in his throat, feeling a little stupid. “But Bo kept getting bullied and chased and hit and my mom kept fixing him up and giving him dinner. We found volleyball in middle school. We both really enjoyed it so we both decided to join the club, my mom decided she was going to take care of the extra costs for Bokuto’s clothes and trips and we were good to go.”

Oikawa whooped. “That’s me! That’s where I come in!” 

“Yeah, that’s when we met Tooru.”

“I remember meeting Bokkun a few weeks into our first year of middle school,” Oikawa was talking as if he were narrating a book. “He was sharpening the shortest pen I’d ever seen in my life, I wasn’t even in their class but I was walking past the room on my way to the toilet and I was just so intrigued by the whole thing,” he smiled. “I also recognised him from volleyball tryouts—so anyway, I went up to him and he smiled up at me and I’d never seen anyone get so excited about being asked about a _pencil_ ,” his eyebrows were raised, Kuroo was staring at the floor, a clean look on his face, soft and full of memories. “I’d never heard of him before that day so I may have been the first person to talk to him without expectations, but he handed me the pencil and we laughed about how hard it was to write with it and then we just… never stopped.”

“Yeah, after that, Bo introduced the two of us and we became inseparable,” Kuroo laughed. “We were the biggest trouble makers in school, too, we’d prank teachers and write stuff on the bathroom walls, we’d also always be in fights with people, mainly because we wanted to be there for Bokuto but Kawa-san, over here, would always turn away scared when any of the bullies stepped forward just screaming, ’not the face!’, every _damn_ time.”

“You know what, Tetsuro—“

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “Anyway, for about a year, things seemed to be looking up—I mean, yeah Bo was still having lots of problems but we were helping to ease that and I think for a while it helped a lot…” Kuroo trailed off. “I honestly don’t even know if we should tell you this next part.” 

Akaashi’s eyes widened and he straightened his back, desperately looking between the two boys. “No, I need to know, you’ve already started,” he said urgently.

“Thing is, ‘Kaash, Bo didn’t tell you,” Oikawa frowned. “I think he didn’t want you to look at him differently.”

The truth of the matter was that Akaashi did see Bokuto differently, but not in a negative way, if anything he looked up to him and took pride in being with him even more. His own opinion of himself, however, changed. He cringed thinking back on the night he came to Bokuto’s door bawling his eyes out over a mere ultimatum that didn’t even stop him from doing what he loved. He began to do what he knew he should never do and compared how distressed Akaashi was that night in comparison to how quietly Bokuto handled his affair. He began to question every rant he’d ever unloaded on Bokuto about his parents and started to consider that his problems weren’t that big. He hated himself for these thoughts. He hated himself for always making things _about_ himself.

Akaashi’s eyes felt as if they could swallow both boys whole.

“Fine,” Kuroo huffed. “But if he asks, I’m telling him we were held at gunpoint.”

“If looks could kill…” Oikawa had a little fear on his face.

Kuroo put his elbows on his knees and crossed his hands together. “Bokuto was essentially abandoned at the age of twelve,” he said all at once. Akaashi felt his heart drop down to his stomach and his ears go numb. “No one really knows where his mom went, except Bokuto didn’t tell anyone for a month, and it was only once his weight had drastically changed and he started becoming more jumpy and distracted that we noticed something was wrong,” he took a breath. “It’s terrible that we _didn’t_ see anything wrong before that but Bo had just gotten so good at playing things off as if they weren’t a big deal.”

“Kuroo and I went to Kuroo’s mom and we told her what he’d told us; she left a note with an apology and never came back,” Oikawa massaged his temples, this wasn’t exactly the happiest memory to be reliving. “Still, Bokuto didn’t say anything bad about her for ages. He just kept asking why. He blamed himself, mostly. Kuroo and I were too young to even know how to _begin_ dealing with that situation, so we did our best and basically dedicated our lives to volleyball. It became _our_ thing and we got pretty good at it.”

“My mom knew that calling child services would be more harmful for Kotarou than anything else,” Kuroo frowned. “So Bokuto came to live with me. We basically adopted him without the legal part.”

Oikawa piped in. “I was really jealous at first because him and Bokkun were having sleepovers every night while I had to do my homework and go to bed by _nine_ ,” he pouted. “But then I realised it wasn’t like that at all.”

“I don’t want to talk about this part too much,” Kuroo started. “But for the first couple of nights, Bo slept in my room while we set up a bedroom for him next door. He didn’t really speak. He just clung onto a pillow very tightly and shut his eyes, trying to drift off as soon as possible. Then, when his room was finally ready, I sometimes went and sat in front of his bedroom door when I heard him crying. There really was no way to make it better for him, but I like to think that in some way, my presence helped a little bit.”

“Volleyball became his only output. The only way he could release all that anger. So we played. We played with him every day, we went out to a park and passed the ball, we stayed in the gym late practising, we became _machines_ , in middle school we’d won almost every tournament we played in. If he was happy, then so were we,” Tooru said, matter-of-factly. “I mean, Kuroo and I both loved volleyball but most of our motivation came from Bokkun.” 

“He still remains one of the top five spikers in the nation,” Kuroo breathed. “I’m not really sure when the need for protecting his mother turned into resentment. I just know that one day he was sad and the next he was determined to never want to thing about that woman again. It had almost been ten years since he heard from her and now this…”

“She got into an accident, we don’t exactly know what it was,” Oikawa bit his lip nervously. “He was a bit of a wreck when we saw him last and even now his messages are half-assed and useless, but from what we’ve gathered, she had him as her emergency contact.”

Kuroo crossed his arms over his chest. “Though we don’t exactly know _how_ she got his number,” he added. “We talked to my mom yesterday and decided it might be good if we headed over for the weekend, just to make sure he’s okay and so we can get a more three-sixty view on the thing. We’ve been there through everything else, there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be there now.”

Oikawa didn’t even give Akaashi a chance to ask. “We didn’t tell you because Bokuto is very touchy about who can see him vulnerable,” he sighed. “Something to do with the abandonment issues or the constant childhood bullying or—“

“Tooru, shut up.”

“Right, yeah, sorry,” he shook his head. “Anyway, we’ll text you once we get there and we’ll give you all that we know but at this moment, all I can say is he needs space.”

Akaashi didn’t move for a second, he felt as if none of his body was connected to his head anymore, as if he were floating with no direction or control and didn’t know how to stop it. How Bokuto could keep that a secret, how he could grow up like that and still turn into such an outstanding and caring person. A couple of things made sense to Akaashi now: he understood why Bokuto clung onto him while he slept, he understood why he needed constant validation, he understood why he valued his friends so much.

The two boys practically ushered Akaashi away, almost—but not really—telling him to go away because they had things to do. And so it was February and the air was cold and Akaashi felt like crying. He always felt like crying. He wondered how Bokuto did it. How he hid his emotions or pushed through them. He wondered if Bokuto’s happiness was just pretend, a mask to cover up the real anger and sadness he’d been bottling up for years. He wondered if Bokuto knew he was loved. He wondered if Bokuto thought of Akaashi’s problems as small just as Akaashi did.

He wondered so many things.

But for the most part, he just missed him.

He missed the warmth of his skin, the smell of his hoodies, his hands through his hair. He missed drawing his eyes and seeing them light up. He missed him making instant noodles and calling them gourmet meals. He missed his movie commentaries and his terrible singing voice. He missed the way his body wrapped around Akaashi’s. He missed the way they kissed.

It had all happened so fast but Akaashi no longer knew a world without him.

And he hoped he never would.

He just hoped he was okay.

_Please be okay_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was really looking forward to writing this chapter but now i can't tell if it's good or not.
> 
> thanks for reading!


	12. blood brothers

When Bokuto was fourteen he woke up shouting. He didn’t remember the dream he had but his throat was hoarse and his cheeks were tear streaked and within a minute Kuroo was by his side asking him if he was okay. It was a strange feeling to be so afraid of something you could hardly remember. HIs breathing was heavy, his heart was beating so fast—his body was _frightened_ , and yet his mind was completely calm. Confused if anything. Kuroo called him crazy but he didn’t hide his worry too well.

He didn’t know why he was remembering this now, but something about that dream stuck with him.

“I can’t really remember…” he’d said once he started to calm down, Kuroo sitting on the floor with his back resting on Bokuto’s bed. “But my eyes—they wouldn’t stay open. I couldn’t do anything because I couldn’t see, I kept falling asleep and I was fighting so hard, I just—“ he frowned. “I don’t know why I was so scared.”

The two of them had never spoken about that night again so this memory had faded to the back of Bokuto’s memory until right in this moment. 

He sat in a hospital room, the plastic chair he was perched on was creaky and uncomfortable and the walls were plain and depressing. The light was dim, the curtains were dark and he was alone. Well as alone as he could be with his comatose mother lying in front of him, unmoving and hooked up to machines that confirmed her heart was still beating. It was strange. He hadn’t seen her in almost ten years and now here she was, as helpless as he remembered her—but different. She was older, thinner than she’d been when he last saw her and he… he couldn’t recognise her. 

Sure, his mind knew who she was. He could see that was his mother, the who of them had the same nose and sharp jawline. Her hair was cut in the same way it always had been and her eyebrows were just as thick and messy as they’d always been. His body, however, had no connection to the woman. He sat in front of her day and night for two weeks, his eyes wide and his mind blank. He couldn’t even bring himself to touch her, hold her hand, _cry_. He couldn’t do anything.

Kuroo’s mother had showed up every other day for the last two weeks, she brought him food and fresh clothes and she let him sleep at her house, which had always been Bokuto’s home, and she tried not to ask him how he was doing more than once a day. He’d always loved her like a mother, she took care of him more than anyone ever had, so having her there with him was somewhat comforting to Bokuto and he was grateful to her for not being as overbearing as she was instinctively feeling.

They’d spoken properly for some time in the first week. Well, Kuroo’s mother spoke and Bokuto mainly listened, not really knowing how to feel or what to think. “She showed up a little over a year ago,” Kuroo’s mother was watching over Bokuto’s mother as she spoke. “She was doing well enough, living between friends houses and working any job she could find, but she kind of lost her mind after she left you. I hope you know it was the toughest choice she’d ever made—“ she turned sharply to the grey-haired boy who had his chin in his hands, his face devoid of emotion. “She tried her best, but I guess she thought you’d be better off without her—I’m not excusing her in any way, I just want you to be able to let go of your… anger.”

She, like her son, wasn’t the most subtle person on the planet. Kuroo’s mother had always said things exactly as they were and she never really hid anything from either of the boys. She was loud and rough and wasn’t afraid to tell them off when they did something stupid. However, Kuroo’s mother was also compassionate and caring and funny. She was there for Bokuto when no one else was, she had no judgements or expectations, she treated him like he was his own person beyond the rumours and harshness of their town. She was his mother in more ways than his biological one ever had been.

“She asked how you were doing and I showed her pictures of you growing up. She cried for the most part of the day, I think she regrets leaving you more than anything, that’s why…” Kuroo’s mother swallowed. “I gave her your number. I thought maybe you could talk and finally get some closure on the whole thing—not necessarily forgive her but at least ask her questions so maybe you could… I don’t know.”

Bokuto’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I understand why you did it,” he smiled up at her, his eyes a little foggy. “You’ve always looked out for me but I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you,” he cleared his throat. “So thank you, for being there. For always putting me first. For even giving me a roof or clothes or food. I am _so grateful_ for both you and Tetsu, I just—“ he looked back at his own mother. “I don’t know _her._ I can’t—“

They were silent after that. Bokuto didn’t have much to say, his words seemed too harsh, too big.

Kuroo had often asked Bokuto if he hated his mother for leaving him.

Bokuto wasn’t sure.

His mind always travelled back to the day his mother had finally saved up enough money to buy him a toy truck for the first time. He must have been eight or nine years old, sitting in his bedroom playing with some Legos he’d stolen from school under a blanket fort he’d spent most part of a Saturday morning building. He didn’t usually go outside to play much, if he did he would get chased or teased or pushed around and he didn’t always have the energy to deal with that. Plus, on this particular day, his mother was coming home earlier than usual and he wanted to be there the whole time to play with her.

He remembered the smile on her face, bright and mischievous, just like his own, her bangs overgrown and pushed to the side and the light coming in from behind her as she walked through the front door. He remembered thinking that his mother was an angel. He knew she was a hard worker and he knew she was having a hard time—perhaps that was more than an eight year old should ever know in his life, but it made him much more clever than the other kids his age. Maybe not with school, but you’d never find a child his age that understood emotions better than Bokuto did. He never blamed his mother for not being home with him. He never blamed her for not being able to afford ice cream or trips to the funfair. He never blamed her for never going on holiday or for always making him eat frozen food. He knew she was doing her best.

That day may have been one of the happiest in his childhood. The truck was huge compared to any toy he’d ever owned and it made noise when it moved. His mother would use the stolen Legos and pretend to be passengers needing a ride and occasionally pretend to die a gruesome death when being ran over by Bokuto’s terrible driving. After hours of playing and laughing, his mother looked at him with love in her eyes, her hand on top of his head, getting lost in the mess of his spike-y hair and she smiled. “Hey, Kou, you want another surprise?” She asked, making the boy with a missing front tooth give out a grin that took up half his face. “You want pancakes for dinner?”

Bokuto didn’t know if he hated his mother for leaving or if he loved her too much that the hurt was a thousand times more painful. He also didn’t know if part of himself blamed himself for her hardships, even though he _knew_ none of it had to do with him. He just wished she never left. He wished she’d worked a little harder. He wished she’d pulled through for a little longer. Maybe he would’ve been able to start helping out, he wouldn’t have hesitated to get a job to help her with money and schedule. Sometimes he’d even wished she’d taken him with her.

Tonight his mind was racing.

He was getting coffee from that shit machine down the hallway and his hand started shaking, spilling burning coffee onto his skin. He put the cup down and a he took a deep breath, his vision becoming blurry and his heart beginning to beat faster than he could handle and his legs were starting to lose balance. He heard faded voices in the background as he clutched his chest and tried to steady his breathing, stumbling backwards into a wall. _Is this what death feels like?_ He asked himself. _No, no, this is a panic attack. I’m panicking. Why am I panicking?_

He heard someone call his name from down the hallway before he slid down the wall, his knees up next to his chest. He could see two shapes running towards him and as they got closer he recognised them as his two best friends, their faces so full of worry. He didn’t really process anything, he had a sob stuck in his throat and tears spilling out of his eyes. He felt himself getting grabbed and gripped onto from both sides, being tightened into a giant hug.

_It must be Kuroo_ , his mind was fading in and out of consciousness. _He knows I need to be wrapped when I feel like this._

Bokuto buried his face where his friends’ shoulders met, his breaths coming out as sobs and body moving on his own, shaking.

He hated being like that.

The three of them were sitting side by side with their backs to the wall, watching nurses and doctors walk up and down the hallway with blank looks on their faces, Bokuto’s a little swollen and the other two paler than ever. Kuroo began to laugh. The other two turned to him. “I’m- I’m sorry, it’s just,” his laughter died down. “The last time we sat like this was in third year, like a week before graduation when we were caught spray-painting the outer wall of the gym.”

There was a pause of silence and then the other two burst out laughing at the memory. “Oh my god, Kawa-san kept saying they wouldn’t let us graduate for defacing school properly.”

“Listen, Kotarou, it was _probable_ ,” he defended. “We had to spend most of our summer break re-painting that whole thing! It wasn’t much better!”

Kuroo leaned over to look at him. “Than expulsion? Or a delayed graduation? Are you kidding?” 

“Yeah, dude what the fuck,” Bokuto laughed pushing his friend’s shoulder. “We had a good time, ruined a lot of my clothes, and painted the back wall a lovely shade of purple.”

“I still don’t know why it took us a week,” Kuroo shook his head.

Oikawa was tapping the ground with his fingers. “‘Cause someone kept spray painting over it.” The boys just spend a second laughing together and then Oikawa piped up again. “So, Bokkun… how’s she…”

Bokuto’s heart dropped a little bit. “Uh, she’s in a coma a-at the moment,” he said steadily. “There hasn’t really been much change.”

“What happened?” Kuroo asked, quietly.

“Ehmm… well, I didn’t catch all of the details,” he frowned. Kuroo’s mother had filled him in but his ears weren’t taking in any information. He was too embarrassed to ask again. “I think she was driving home late at night and swerved off the road.” Kuroo and Oikawa both gave out a breath through their teeth. Bokuto shook his head. “How’s Akaashi?” 

Kuroo took this one. “He’s wondering why you’ve been ghosting him.”

“He’s been at the apartment every other day since you left,” Oikawa frowned. “Was it the best idea to completely shut him off?”

Bokuto was silent for a moment. “How much of it did you tell him?” 

“We didn’t-“

“Pretty much all of it,” Kuroo nodded, his mouth in a thin line. Oikawa looked betrayed. “I told you I can’t lie to him!”

"You didn't even _try_!"

Bokuto groaned. “I know that was the right thing to do but it’s still kinda shitty to hear,” he put his face in his hands. “I didn’t know how to catch him up or let him in or let him _know_ , so I just panicked and didn’t say anything, I was scared I’d have an outburst or something and he’d look at me different—god, I sound so stupid.”

Kuroo patted him on the back. “Yes, yes you do, owl boy,” he sighed. “You’re probably gonna have to apologise at some point, but I guess you’re excused for now. Are you staying with mom?”

“You ask as if she’s not the one that asked you to come down here,” Bokuto smirked with half lidded eyes. “But yes, she’s been great as always.”

Oikawa smacked the back of his head on the wall behind him and gave out a loud groan of pain. The other boys burst into fits of laughter.

When Oikawa and Kuroo headed home for a little bit to drop off their luggage, Bokuto told them he’d make his way back in less than an hour. Both of them looked worried but they didn’t say anything, they knew it was best for Bokuto to deal with this on his own, it was long overdue.

Bokuto Kotarou, the twenty-year-old wing spiker with grey and black hair and giant yellow eyes stood in the doorway of his mother’s room quietly for a moment, just like he did when he’d go to say goodbye to her before school. At the time, he’d _chosen_ not to wake her up because he knew she’d had a long night. Now, he couldn’t get her to open her eyes even if he wanted to. 

“It’s kinda weird to see you so lifeless,” Bokuto felt his own voice raise in his throat, surprising even himself. “You probably think that I hate you, everyone thinks I hate you at this point but I don’t think I’ve ever been able to hate you. I’m just very angry. And I’m angry all the time, half the time I don’t even know what I’m angry about but I can’t show any of it. I can’t move on and I can’t let it out, it’s all just stuck inside of me, weighing me down…”

He moved out of the doorway and perched himself onto the plastic chair next to her bed, his eyes glued to her face. His arms moved before he could even realise and he felt himself grabbing onto her arm, his breath shaky.

“Mom, I loved you more than anyone,” he broke. “I looked up to you to the point that I started hiding my emotions under a smile just like you did and it’s become like second nature to me to turn something shitty into an epic adventure—I don’t know if that’s a good thing, but it’s you. You’re within me every moment of every day,” he sniffed. “And yet you left—I know _why_ but why didn’t you take me? Why couldn’t we go together? Did you not want me? Did you not want to even try?” 

He could feel his heartbeat in his ears. He couldn’t control himself. For the first time he was saying things straight out without filtering or making it seem like something that it wasn’t.

“The first few nights you didn’t come back I didn’t sleep,” her hand was cold and veiny, he wondered if he should get her another blanket. “I just waited on the couch downstairs and stared at the door all night, barely blinking because I was afraid that you’d come in and I’d be asleep,” he took a shaky breath. “You disconnected your number, no one at work knew where you were—I mean, I thought you were _dead_ or hurt somewhere, I didn’t know _anything_ —Oh! And who puts a note in the cereal box? I don’t even _eat_ cereal, I only found it because I was looking for the toy!”

Bokuto laughed at himself. “I honestly don’t know if I’d be able to speak so candidly if you were sitting in front of me, awake,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I haven’t spoken about you, like properly, in ten years. Ten. Anytime anyone asked me how I was feeling or offered to ’talk about it’, I just brushed them off, y’know? I didn’t need to tell them, they didn’t need to know. I didn’t even tell Kuroo—“ he cut himself off. “For a whole month I lived off of the stuff we had left over in the fridge and the cabinets and I’d feel so bad every time Kuroo bought me something at the shops after school but I couldn’t say anything because I was _so hungry_. I probably would’ve starved if Kuroo’s mom hadn’t taken me in— _who_ abandons a child like that?”

He let go of her hand and stood up abruptly, his eyes spilling tears, anger suddenly bubbling out of him. “I was so sad and tired and scared all the time. I was twelve- _fucking_ -years-old and you thought it was okay for me to live alone? I had no money and I thought that if I told anyone you were gone, they would rip me away from my friends and the only home I’d ever known, while you were off doing what? What’s best for me? No, mom, I’m just realising now that I’ve been protecting _you_ all this time when all you did was _give up_. Running away was a coward move. You took away my childhood, you gave me a shit-load of mental and emotional issues and then you had _the audacity_ to put me down as your emergency contact? What is this?” 

His throat gave out a whine that sounded a bit like a dog that had been kicked. 

“What did you think was going to happen?” He asked. “Did you think I’d see you in a hospital bed and suddenly forgive you for everything? Just because I pitied you? God, mom, I loved you, I loved you _so much_ , all my trust was in _you_ , as a child you were all I had—and you took it into your own hands to tear all of that down and destroy me just a little bit. Everyday, just taking a little bit of me away.”

He wiped at his tears with his sleeve.

“God, maybe I do hate you,” he said harshly. “Because there’s a thin line between love and hate and you bulldozed through it ten years ago. I don’t think I can ever go back, and I don’t think you could either.”

Bokuto took a step back, his breath heavy but his chest a little lighter. 

“I really hope you wake up so I can say all this to your face,” he whispered.

When he stepped out of the hospital room and hopped onto a bus he gave out a giant sigh, his eyes felt brighter, his face a little cold and his hands a little shaky but he felt some comfort in where he was headed.

To his real family.

To his home.

Now there was only one thing missing.

And that was Akaashi.

He missed Akaashi _so damn much_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a little sad but we don't have much left! two chapters to go!
> 
> thank you so much for all of your support, i am honestly so grateful for all of your comments and kudos! thank you thank you thank you!<3333


	13. trauma and cheese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sORRY this took longer than usual.
> 
> poll votes are in! looks like the next fic will be iwaoi--look out for that one, it's gonna be good!
> 
> enjoy this chapter!

“I _know_ you slept in my bed while I was gone,” Bokuto walked into the common room where Kuroo and Kenma were cuddling on the couch. “You need to stop doing that, we’re getting too old for it.”

Kuroo pouted, looking up at his best friend. It was strangely warm on this particular March afternoon, Bokuto was excited for the approaching spring tournament and the weather was just reminding him that he was once again going to nationals. “I just missed you, that’s all.”

Bokuto clutched his heart with a laugh. “Bro,” he shook his head, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He smiled when he saw it was from Sawamura Daichi. “Okay, I’ll be going now—Kuroo if you’re gonna order pizza from that restaurant again tonight, don’t. Kawa-san told me to tell you that.”

“After what happened last week?” Kuroo’s eyes widened, Kenma gave out an evil chuckle. “I think it’s safe to say that I’m never gonna do that again.”

“I’ll just cook something, don’t worry about it,” Kenma said flatly, barely looking up. He’d been much nicer around Bokuto ever since he’d gotten back, not that Bo minded, it was just strange to see him loosen up. Bokuto shrugged, thanking Kenma for keeping Kuroo at bay, making Kuroo almost jump him and then he left. He spun his keys around his finger nervously, walking quickly towards the grocery store and chewing on his lip. 

Bokuto had decided to come back to his apartment a little over two weeks ago, ever since then he’d been extremely busy with finals and due in exams that Oikawa had joked about him becoming a hermit. He was also going back and forth between the Spring Tournament qualifiers and constant training. This was the only day he had off in weeks and there was no way he wanted to spend it away from Akaashi. He wanted to finally talk to him, face to face, not over text or over short phone calls. He wanted to apologise to him, he wanted to explain, he wanted to see him. The last time he saw him was briefly on his way to the bathroom while Akaashi was coming out of his yoga lesson. It was awkward then. Bokuto prayed it wouldn’t be awkward now.

He entered the grocery store, trying to remember what Akaashi had in his arms the first time they’d met out of the cafe. _Doritos. Ice cream. Dips._ He smiled, remembering how the other boy froze in his place, how loudly Bokuto had laughed. It had already been months since then. He didn’t like how fast time was moving, how quickly everything was changing. He was also annoyed about how much time he wasted with Akaashi and how many things got in the way of them. 

Bokuto was eager to get back on track.

-

When Akaashi opened his front door, he almost couldn’t believe his eyes.

In front of him was the grey-and-black haired boy Akaashi had come to adore. His smile was wide and eyes were crinkled at the sides, still golden and glowing with arched eyebrows and long eyelashes. He made Akaashi’s heart jump faster, his face instantly pulled back in surprise. He looked at what Bokuto had in his arms, the Doritos, the ice cream, the dips. What was he doing here? Akaashi wasn’t mad about it, but his natural being threw Bokuto off. “How do you know where I live?”

Akaashi wanted to punch himself.

“Daichi gave me the address,” Bokuto licked his lips nervously. _That’s why no one’s home!_ It all clicked in Akaashi’s head. _Suga must have made sure we’d be alone._ “I hope that’s okay… I mean I can go if you…” he gulped, his eyes a little wide, a little worried, Akaashi didn’t know how to react, there was a moment of silence.

He shook his head. “No, I mean…” he gave him his best smile. “You brought food.”

Bokuto smiled. “Yes, um… I tried to remember your favourites but my memory’s a bit—“ he held them out to him. “I thought maybe we could watch that rom-com you said you liked.”

Akaashi moved to let Bokuto in, pointing over to the kitchen counter to let him know where to put the stuff. He was a little flattered but he felt a bit weird about this. He hadn’t seen Bokuto in a month, surely he should have felt much happier… so then why did he feel so nervous? “Bokuto-san, how’s your mom?” 

Bokuto turned, his face dimming a little bit and his gaze falling to the floor. “ _Bokuto-san_ … not Kotarou? Ouch,” he joked, his hands coming up to fidget with his sleeves. “Um, yeah, I guess you want to know a lot, huh? Alright…” Bokuto’s eyes only half looked up at Akaashi whose heart was drumming in his ears. “Can we sit down? Or… something, I don’t know it just feels weird.” Akaashi nodded and they both quietly headed over to the couch, sitting uncomfortably apart, the air tense and weird. They both felt weird. His head was racing and Bokuto looked terrified. “I don’t know how much those idiots told you, but I trust it was all the truth. They know me better than anyone, so you can trust that, um…”

Akaashi felt wrong for making Bokuto explain himself. He felt like he was intruding, he felt like he was imposing, he felt like this whole thing was too twisted for him to decide when Bokuto was ready to open up to him. He hated that he was being so selfish, he hated that he thought he needed to know if he were to be in a relationship with Bokuto. He hated lots of things but what he hated most was that he couldn’t delete all the hate in Bokuto’s childhood. He couldn’t do anything about it. He just wanted to be there for him.

“She’s—she’s not really anything,” he said quietly. “She’s in a c-coma, um… we don’t know how long we should wait for her to wake up. But I didn’t want to be there anymore, so I… yeah, I’m back, I don’t—“ his voice was stuck in his throat. He was so nervous that he couldn’t even look at Akaashi in the eyes, so the other boy softened, finally snapping out of his somewhat shocked state and he moved up closer to Bokuto, their knees touching.

When Akaashi hesitantly reached for Bokuto’s bigger hands, he felt a shiver go up his arm. His skin was soft but calloused and his fingers were slender and bony. It was something about how they fit together that made Bokuto look up, a little bit bewildered, his face unsure. Akaashi smiled at him. “I’m sorry for pushing you, Kotarou,” he said, pressing his forehead to the other boy's. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“I’m sorry for shutting you out,” he said after heaving a small sigh of relief. “I’ve been trusting Tetsu and Tooru for so long that I’ve forgotten how to let anyone else in—but please bare with me, I’m trying, I just—“

Akaashi connected their lips. “Take your time,” he gave him a grin. “We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Bokuto felt like he was floating. His hands tightened around Akaashi’s and the tip of his nose brushed against his as he closed his eyes, feeling safe and _loved_. Akaashi’s eyes took a moment to shut. They were so close for the first time in so long that he wanted to take him all in. He wanted to make sure he remembered every moment. He wanted to remember the moment he realised he was in love. The way Bokuto’s nose curved upward, the way his eyes were shaped, the length of his eyebrows, the heat coming from him, his broad shoulders, his strong arms, his jawline… every single cheesy thing about him, Akaashi wanted it all in his memory.

“‘Kaashi?” Bokuto opened his eyes. He’d been a bit still for a while, Bokuto was worried.

Akaashi shook his head, a smile on his face. _I love you_. He gave out a breathy laugh. _I love you_. He put his hands on Bokuto’s jawline, gently cupping his face, making Bokuto tilt his head back a little bit, his mouth agape and his eyes soft. _I love you_. Akaashi traced Bokuto’s bottom lip with his thumb. _I love you_. He watched Bokuto as he gave out a shaky breath, his pupils wide. _I love you_. Akaashi kissed him. He was kneeling next to the other boy, slightly above him on the couch, he felt Bokuto’s hands reach up underneath his t-shirt, a shiver going through Akaashi’s body as he felt his nails grazing his back, not harshly, not too softly, just enough for Akaashi to deepen the kiss. _I love you_. 

Their mouths danced together as Bokuto began leaning back on the couch, Akaashi falling with him, their chests pressed together as Bokuto’s hands traced Akaashi’s curves and edges. Akaashi let out a quiet hum, making Bokuto smile against his kiss. The other boy put his hands in the owl boy’s hair, twisting through his spikes and tugging at its edges, while Bokuto moved his mouth to Akaashi’s jawline and then down to his neck. He grabbed the hem of Akaashi’s t-shirt and looked at him with a devilish look in his eyes. Akaashi bit his lip and took his shirt off, Bokuto doing the same.

There’s something strangely comforting about the warmth of another’s skin on your own. Bokuto had never really thought about it before but once both him and the boy that swam through his mind every day connected in this particular moment, Bokuto felt a sort of comfort he’d never really experienced before. It may have been the way Akaashi’s hands made their way to all of Bokuto’s nooks, or it may have been the fact that Akaashi felt lighter today. He seemed happier. He seemed more trusting. More knowledgeable. Bokuto thought maybe letting him in would be a good thing. 

To give yourself fully to one person is the scariest thing in the world, but once you’ve done it? There’s no better feeling.

That’s what Bokuto was beginning to learn.

It had been four hours and the two boys were still in each other’s arms, under the covers of Akaashi’s bed, Bokuto’s arms around Akaashi’s neck while Akaashi was scrunched up and comfortable hidden in Bokuto’s chest. The owl boy was watching Akaashi sleep, every once in a while he would kiss his nose or his forehead or his hair. He didn’t move, he just laid there silently, his face set to a small smile, feeling relieved and safe and happy. “You know,” he whispered. “This is probably just dumb, but… I told my mom about you. She was just there and I didn’t know what else to talk about, you were the only thing in my mind. Maybe that’s a bit weird. I don’t really know why I’m saying this, but I guess I wanted some part of you to know that even if I didn’t call, I—this isn’t really an excuse, but I didn’t stop thinking about you once…” _I love you_. “…I really care about you. I just hope you know that.”

Akaashi shifted, making Bokuto’s heart jump. “I care about you, too,” he mumbled, so quietly Bokuto almost didn’t catch it.

When Akaashi woke up he was met by Bokuto’s golden eyes. They were sleepy and calm but they were full of love, Akaashi felt it. “You hungry?” He asked, making Akaashi nod with a smile.

“I could eat,” Akaashi said. Bokuto went to move but Akaashi whined and grabbed onto his hoodie, snuggling his head on top of his chest, pinning him down. “Stay.”

Bokuto laughed, his hand stroking his boy’s hair. “How are we supposed to eat if we don’t move?”

“We’ll figure something out, stay a little bit more,” he snaked his arm around Bokuto’s waist, making Bokuto pull him closer and kiss the top of his head. “You’re so good at that.”

Bokuto kissed him again and chuckled. “At what?”

“Everything,” he said. “But this soft comforting stuff is your forte.”

“That’s surprising considering my issues,” he giggled quietly. Akaashi didn’t make any noise. “Maybe it’s just because you’re so good at making me good at this stuff.”

“Me? No, I can’t take credit for your genius.”

Bokuto felt his heart well up with love. “Thank you.” He tightened his grip around the smaller boy. “I’m going to be the best. For you, I’m going to be the best person I can be.”

“You’ve done that already,” Akaashi said. “This is so cheesy I feel like I’m in a rom-com. Every moment I’m with you feels like that. Considering that’s where I was basing all of my standards off of, you’re doing a damn good job.”

Bokuto sighed, rubbing circles on Akaashi’s back. “Trauma and cheese,” he said playfully. “That’s all I’m good for.”

Akaashi hit his chest lightly. “Shut up.”

_I love you_.

The words were on the tip of both their tongues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is so short i'm so sorry. the next one is the last, be prepared!
> 
> thank you so much for reading and all of your comments, i love reading your reactions so much. i can't believe how many people have read my story, i'm just really grateful.


	14. finals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it! the end. 
> 
> i really hope you guys have enjoyed this fic, i've certainly enjoyed writing it.
> 
> i teared up a little bit while writing this chapter. i hope it's good enough to satisfy all of you<3

Bokuto felt the blood pumping in his arms, his hands were warm and his wrists were red, his breath was heavy but his shoulders felt light. He took a breath in, his eyes already adjusted to the light on the court, the people in the stands were cheering and singing but it all faded for him. He had a smile on his face when Miya Atsumu looked at him from the corner of his eye, his hand making a sign behind his back, one only him and his teammates could read. He was excited. The second set had only just started but they already had a win under their belt. No mistakes on his part just yet and the best thing? Akaashi was there. Akaashi was watching.

Bokuto loved having someone to impress.

The spring national finals had rolled around on a chilly April morning, the MSU team had woken up early to do some morning practice and warm ups before getting to the venue. Their captain was particular about spaces, he always wanted his team to do their first warm up in their own gym. They’d never gotten so far in nationals, usually they’d be out within the first few rounds but this time, here they were. The finals. Only one team stood in the way of MSU and their national victory.

_**[kaashi-kash]** What time do you get to the venue?_

Bokuto had smiled down at this message, he couldn’t believe Akaashi was already awake at this time. Especially considering he’d worked the night shift until 3am.

**_[Kou <3]_ ** _we’re on our way now!!_

_**[Kou <3] **will probably be there in about????? ten minutes???_

_**[Kou <3] ** you should get to sleep!! you don’t get nearly enough sleep>;(_

Daichi looked over Bokuto shoulder and shoved him a little bit with a laugh. “You two are so cute,” he smiled. “I’m glad Akaashi found someone like you, I was starting to worry.”

Bokuto rolled his eyes. “Worry? About Akaashi? Have you seen him?” He retorted, showing the other boy his lock screen—a picture of his boyfriend sleeping, wrapped up in two blankets and wearing Bokuto’s high school volleyball hoodie— _yellow really suits him_ , he thought to himself. “He would’ve found someone eventually, I’m just lucky I got here early.”

“Think what you want,” Daichi started, turning back to face the front. “But in the short time I’ve known Keiji, I’ve come to find he’s a very particular person. I’m not sure there’s anyone who could make him as happy as you have. So—yeah, that’s all I wanted to say.”

Bokuto didn’t really reply, he just looked down at the picture on his phone, his heart happy and his face relaxed. Akaashi hadn’t replied to his message so he assumed he took his advice and went to bed. He’d been a little bummed that none of his friends could come and see his game, but he understood all of them had lives and he couldn’t exactly make them drop everything just to see one of his matches. There would be other ones, he knew that, but this felt like a bigger deal. Nonetheless, he powered through his mood and ten minutes later the coach stopped at the venue and they boys piled out one by one, some yawning, some laughing. They were a good team, very close on the court, they were a bit like brothers, Bokuto liked that—though he couldn’t say he didn’t miss when his _real_ brothers were on the court with him.

As they walked towards the entrance of the venue at 10:30am, Bokuto noticed a group of people standing on the patch of grass right next to the main entrance. As he got closer, he realised they were holding banners and wearing the MSU school colours, their faces painted with the school mascot and their eyes bright as they jumped up and down cheering. All of them except for two, one who was looking down at his phone and the other who was holding half of the banner awkwardly. Bokuto’s face lit up as he elbowed Daichi in the ribs to direct his attention. “We have fans,” he breathed. Daichi gave out a squeal—that if anyone were to ask him about he would deny—and didn’t hesitate to follow when Bokuto began running towards his friends.

In front of him were Oikawa and Iwaizumi holding up a banner with his name on it, while Kuroo and Kenma wore their school hoodies and t-shirts, Kenma was wearing his hair in two buns, wrapped in sparkly red scrunchies and on his cheeks were a poorly drawn penguin and the school logo. He looked like he’d been forced to be here, but he didn’t look angry, just very engrossed in his game. To their right, were Akaashi and Sugawara, both of them wearing their respective boyfriend’s number jerseys and face paint. They both had giant smiles on their faces as they watched Bokuto and Daichi run towards them.

When Bokuto got to Akaashi he hugged him so tightly that Akaashi’s feet came off the floor and Bokuto actually spun him a little bit. He pulled back, grinning down at him, his breath unsteady and his eyes gleaming. “I thought I told you to go to bed,” he chuckled. Akaashi tilted his head and shrugged, making Bokuto dip down and kiss him. He then turned to his friends, feeling like he was going to cry when he saw his brothers there, standing tall and proud to be there to support him. “How long have you guys been planning this?”

Oikawa scratched the back of his neck with a short laugh, motioning towards the giant _Go Kotarou, Go!_ banner. “This banner took a week to make.”

“Yeah, so we’ve been planning it for about a week and a half,” Kuroo winked. “As soon as you won that second-last match.”

Bokuto heard his coach shouting at both him and Daichi from a distance. He looked at his friends with a little bit of urgency, kissing Akaashi’s temple before him and Daichi took a step back from the group. “This may be the best thing you guys have ever done,” Bokuto said happily. “I’m gonna try and sneak out in our break, but you guys—“ he bit his lip, all of his friends looking at him in full support. “Thank you.” 

The venue was giant. Up until now, all of the MSU games had been held in the smaller venue, he didn’t mind but he _had_ to admit that being watched by double the amount of people was much more exciting. He had never felt more ready for anything. His hands were getting itchy, he just wanted to start. He wanted to show off his cut shot, he wanted to show off his presence—basically he just wanted to show off. Daichi and Atsumu were talking about the other team when Bokuto decided that wasn’t a good idea. He hit Atsumu in the chest with a smirk. “Last to the changing rooms buys lunch!” And with that he charged ahead, sprinting towards the changing rooms, while both Daichi and Atsumu complained behind him, putting their all into catching up with the owl boy.

“Hey, come back here you Horned Owl Bastard!” Atsumu chased. “Do you even know where you’re going?” 

Daichi laughed as he tried to surpass his teammate. “Does he ever?” He pushed past. “I just don’t wanna buy you lunch!”

People were already being ushered in once the MSU team finished their final stretches and warm ups. There were about fifteen minutes until the game began and Atsumu had already set 43 balls for Bokuto to spike. There was exhilaration in the air, people were chatting and watching and when Bokuto looked up to the left side of the court, he could see a banner with his own name on it. _Top five in the Nation_. He was just _that_ cool. His friends were so much cooler.

The boys walked over to the changing rooms, taking a break before the game, trying to calm their nerves. Bokuto’s stomach felt like it was full of butterflies, his breath was stuck in his chest, coming up his throat heavily. The price for excitement was the adrenaline rush. The adrenaline rush was useless when you were just sitting around and waiting to play. Bokuto didn’t mind. 

As he reached his changing room, he felt a hand grab him into the hallway next to the door, and he was pushed into a wall. 

“Kaashi!” He gave out an excited yelp. Akaashi reached up and wrapped his arms around his neck, looking up at his boy with daring eyes. “I am all sweaty right now, I don’t know if you wanna—“ Akaashi kissed him. “Alright then.”

Bokuto’s jersey was huge on Akaashi. He was a lankier boy and his shoulders were considerably smaller so this shirt drowned him, but there was something about him wearing it that was more arousing than seeing him naked. Having him wear his clothes, his number, proudly showing off their relationship, proudly showing off they were together, proudly showing off that Bokuto was _his_. Bokuto felt like he belonged, he liked belonging. 

“You know…” Akaashi said breathily, kissing Bokuto’s jaw lightly. “You’re pretty sexy when you’re playing, maybe I should come watch more of your games.”

Bokuto bit his lip. “I wouldn’t complain.”

Akaashi looked up with a smirk. “No, no you wouldn’t,” he gave out a breath. There was something about Akaashi’s confidence that made Bokuto shiver. “You better not lose today.” He planted one last kiss on his boy’s lips, biting his lower lip slightly as he pulled away and then hummed. “See you later.”

As the owl boy watched his boyfriend walk away, he leaned his head back on the wall, releasing a breath and chewing on his lip. _He’s mine. I’m his._ He’d never been happier. If this was the universe’s way of apologising, he hoped the universe would continue feeling bad forever. He couldn’t think about a time where he lost all of this. He didn’t want to. 

Bokuto found himself thinking about the last few months of his life. From the day him and his friends moved into that apartment and how Oikawa had smashed a plate on the first day. The day he didn’t write an essay that was 20% of his grade until the last second and found a tiny cafe he’d never seen before. The day he drank coffee even though he didn’t like it, just because a cute boy brought it to him. When Mango moved into their apartment. How whipped on Kenma Kuroo had become. Oikawa’s strained relationship. Meeting the MSU first years and seeing if any of them would qualify for the team. Meeting Akaashi for lunch dates. Going ice-skating. His mother coming back into his life. Her coma. His outburst.

He’d grown so much. Not in height or in age or in maturity but in general. He was still the big kid he’d always been. He was still smiling and laughing and with his friends. He was still playful and caring and loyal. He was still all those things, except now he didn’t feel like he was holding back anymore. He didn’t feel like his past defined him as much as it did before. That didn’t mean that he’d escaped it in any way, or that his problems were gone—it just meant that after a lifetime of adjusting and pain and mockery and abandonment, he finally felt like he had the right to move on, to accept his life, to accept happiness. He embraced this change, he embraced his walls slowly crumbling. He liked the feeling of not having to hold back.

When the MSU team walked onto the court, Bokuto was bouncing. They lined up, bowing as the captains shook hands and flipped a coin as to who would go first. He skipped onto his position, starting at the back right, eyeing Daichi in front of him and Atsumu next to him. He heard the cheers and shouts, the saw the other team in front of them, the confidence bouncing off of both of them. It was gonna be a good game. He had so many people to impress that nothing negative even entered his mind. _We’re gonna win_ , he winked at Daichi. _We’re gonna win_ , he nodded towards Atsumu. 

The whistle went off and Bokuto was up to serve first.

_I hope you_ _’_ _re watching me,_ he thought, his eyebrows raised, his knees bent at the ready. _This one_ _’_ _s for you_.

The feeling of his hand smashing against the ball was a feeling Bokuto could compare to no other. To be able to jump and connect with the ball at an exact moment, an exact angle and be able to hit it so fast that the other team would have no time to react. It was a move he’d perfected with Oikawa in high school, he thought he’d probably never be able to do it as well as Tooru could but he was damn well near. His serve was almost impossible to receive—at least on the first try. 

Bokuto remembered watching Oikawa serve for the first time in middle school. It hadn’t been a jump serve, just a regular one but it was strong, it was controlled, it was learned. Both Bokuto and Kuroo had been speechless when they watched him, Bokuto tried to replicate it and almost twisted his hand. He was benched for a week. Once the boys started to talk to Oikawa, that’s when they’d understood him. His entire life had been about perfecting his movements. His serves, his sets, his receives. Even his spikes. He was such a well-rounded player that it inspired Bokuto to do more. So much more. He’d started staying behind with Tooru to practice some more—which also meant Kuroo had started doing that, too—and much to Oikawa’s initial dismay, Bokuto was a natural. _It may be because of all my pent up anger_ , he’d thought at the time.

As Bokuto played his mind was blank in the fullest of ways. His body knew all the things he’d learned, from the way Kuroo read his opponents, to the way Oikawa understood all of his teammates, to the way Akaashi smiled in the morning and how Kenma put paprika in everything he cooked. His body knew the way Kuroo’s mom patched him up when he got into fights or the peace he felt the first time he stepped foot in a pottery class and managed to make a little statue of Kuroo tripping over. His body knew about all of the people that brought him to this exact moment, to this point in time, to these feelings, to this safety. His body wanted to be good for the sake of the people who stuck by him even when he was everything _but_. 

Volleyball was the sport that kept him standing but the people around him were the reason he didn’t give up.

He thought maybe that was too cheesy to think about during the most important game he’d ever played.

His hand stung from the connection he had with the ball. He landed on his feet, jogging forward, ready to counter if by chance the other team received it. He heard the ball make contact with the ground. His heart beating fast, his face smiling, his fists up and his body leaned back. “ _Hey, hey,_ _HEY!_ ” He shouted out, his team cheering him on. “One more!” 

Bokuto thought that life was worth loving.

And that was a feeling he never wanted to let go of.

Bokuto placed a kiss on his left hand and raised it towards the stands to his left. The stands where the most important people in his life were going feral with support.

_Thank you_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING!
> 
> if any of you would like to make art for this fic (not that you have to but i would be SO FLATTERED if you did) then please do not hesitate to tag me on twitter (@owlboii4) and instagram (@owlboii4) or even tiktok (@owlboii4) and i will link it in the respective chapter!
> 
> thank you for all the support, it's meant the world to me. my next fic, ['stars through rain'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26582650/chapters/64810021) is out now!! please go check it out!! love you all<3


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